Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-23

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

i don't know that how to define the graph but lets try as the graph shows information about the job rate in different sectors of us so firstely it shows that the jobs in manufacturing sector has ben decreased from 1960 to 2020 but in the same time frame if we see the retail jobs have been incresed from 7 million to around 17 million and if we see thehealthcare so that has been 2.5 million to 17 million and of we see the aggriculture jobs so that has get downword from 7 million to 2.5 million so it is such a kind of disadvantage that as compared to our aggriculture jobs the healcare jobs have rised the reason behind this shows that we are going beckword that we couldnot maintained our healthy life becouse in one case the graph of healthcare jobs rise that is the increasing rate of patients.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify the broad direction of change in all four sectors: manufacturing and agriculture decline, while retail and healthcare rise. However, the response only partially summarises the graph. It gives no clear overview of the main comparisons, such as manufacturing being the largest sector in 1960 and retail and healthcare reaching about 16 million each by 2020. Several figures are inaccurate: retail is about 6 million in 1960 and 16 million in 2020, not 7 and 17; healthcare is about 2 and 16 million, not 2.5 and 17. The claim that healthcare growth shows an increasing rate of patients is speculation, not information shown by the graph. Focus on accurate key figures and describe trends without explaining causes the chart cannot establish.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response follows a basic sequence through the sectors, and phrases such as “in the same time frame” and “if we see” show an attempt to connect ideas. However, the information is presented as one long, run-on sentence, so the reader has difficulty distinguishing the overview, comparisons and final comment. Repeated use of “if we see” also makes the progression mechanical, while “firstly” does not lead into a clearly organised set of points. Separate the response into an introduction, a concise overview and one or two detail paragraphs. Use clear links such as “By contrast” or “Meanwhile” to compare trends, and avoid unclear references such as “that” when the subject is not explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for describing trends, including “decreased,” “increased,” “rise” and “downward,” so the general direction of change is usually understandable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or spellings make the account less clear, including “job rate” for the number of jobs and “disadvantage” for a neutral chart description. “The graph of healthcare jobs rise” is also an awkward expression. Use precise, conventional terms such as “number of jobs,” “employment,” “rose” and “fell,” and check spelling carefully. Avoid evaluative or causal language unless the visual supports it; the graph reports employment figures, not whether the changes are beneficial or what they mean for health.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt to connect ideas using clauses with “but,” “if” and “so,” and the reader can generally identify the sectors being discussed. However, the response relies on a limited set of sentence patterns, and attempts to combine many ideas often produce faulty or incomplete structures. For example, “the jobs in manufacturing sector has ben decreased” has problems with agreement, article use and verb form, while “the healthcare so that has been 2.5 million” is not a complete, clear sentence. Capitalisation and punctuation are also inconsistent, especially at the start of the response and between clauses. Practise writing shorter, complete sentences with accurate past-tense verbs, then combine them selectively using correct punctuation.

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