Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The line graph illustrate key information about occupation in US in four kind of sectors of the economy since 1960 into 2020 .

Overall , manufacturing was dominance for the all jobs in 1960 before that retail and agriculture have a dramatic rise from 1960 even 2020 , and health care have increased to his number into 1980 and in next year had a fluctuate changed .

In addition , manufacturing in the begin of 1920 have a growth significantly to take the peak in 1980 with tweenty number of jobs after that have a fall negative even get just under than 15 number , futhermore retail on the outher side have improved and increase begin approximactly than 5 number in 1960 reach on just over 15 in 2020 , also agriculture start just under than 5 number in 1960 after that they increase dramaticly to have a equal member with retail in the same year 2020 .

according to what is shown the healthcare she doesnt have a many population was begin to under 5 number and doesnt contunied to growth they have decline slightly to reach a low number than who its started

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response identifies manufacturing as the leading sector initially and attempts to describe changes over time, but the main features are not reported accurately enough. The overview says retail and agriculture both rose dramatically, although agriculture fell from about 6 million jobs to 2 million. It also says healthcare increased only to 1980 and then fluctuated, whereas healthcare rose steadily to around 16 million by 2020. Several details are confused: manufacturing began at 15 million in 1960, not in 1920, and agriculture did not become equal to retail in 2020. These substantial misreadings leave the task only minimally addressed. Focus on the overall contrasts—manufacturing peaked and declined, retail and healthcare grew, and agriculture decreased—and support them with accurate comparisons.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is some organisation: the response begins with an introduction, gives an overview, and then attempts to add details. Linking expressions such as “Overall,” “In addition,” and “after that” show an effort to connect ideas. However, progression is difficult to follow because several trends are combined in long sentences, and the final paragraph introduces healthcare without clearly relating it to the earlier overview. Some connectors also imply relationships that are not clear, while repeated sequencing phrases make the account feel mechanical. Use separate paragraphs for the overview and the main comparisons, and group sectors with similar trends. Shorter sentences and clearer references would help readers follow each series.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response attempts topic-related vocabulary, including “dramatic rise,” “peak,” “fall,” and “increased,” so the reader can recognise that it is describing a line graph. However, the range is limited and several word choices or forms make the intended meaning unclear: “manufacturing was dominance,” “a fluctuate changed,” and “equal member” are not appropriate expressions for describing employment figures. Spelling errors such as “tweenty,” “futhermore,” and “approximactly” also reduce clarity. Build a reliable set of trend terms and use them precisely—for example, “declined steadily,” “reached a peak,” and “remained stable.” Check spelling and collocations before finishing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts both simple and longer sentence forms, using time clauses and connectors such as “before that” and “after that.” However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence boundaries frequently make the meaning hard to follow. For example, “The line graph illustrate” needs subject–verb agreement, while “manufacturing was dominance” has an incorrect grammatical form. The sentence beginning “according to what is shown” also shifts between “she,” “they,” and “its,” making the reference unclear. Practise accurate past-tense descriptions and build shorter sentences around one trend at a time, then check agreement and punctuation.

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