Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-08-31
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of shop closures and openings 2011– 2018
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph illustrates the total number of shops that opened and closed in same country, from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, the both graphs fluctuated considerably in given period of time. The shop opening market dropped from starting, the numbers of shop opened was higher in first year then shops closure, but it dropped substantially in coming years.
During 2015, the job market crashed badly, the shop opening scale dropped from 6000 shops in 2014 to 4000 shops in 2015. Similarly, the shops closing scale experienced dramatical declined from 6500 jobs in 2014 to only 500 jobs in 2015.
The shop opening market started from 8500 shops in 2011 and dropped to only 4000 shops in next year, but experienced growth in next two years, surged from 4000 to 6000 shops. However, in next four years the shop opening market dropped steadily and end the period at 3000 shops.
Since, the shop closure market experienced minimal fluctuation in starting four years, but it sink from 6600 shops to only 500 shops in 2015. In 2016, shop closure share climbed to 5200 shops closure rate and experienced minimal fluctuation in last three years and ended up at 5200 shops.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers the main features of the graph, including the trends for both shop openings and closures. However, the analysis is somewhat inconsistent. For instance, you mention the 'job market' crashed in 2015, which is an external assumption not supported by the provided graph data. Additionally, some descriptions of the data are inaccurate; for example, you state the closure rate ended at 5200, while the graph shows it ending at 5000. While you identify the key trends, the lack of precision in reporting figures and the inclusion of irrelevant external information prevents a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate. Phrases like 'Since, the shop closure market' are used incorrectly, and the transition between ideas is sometimes abrupt. The logical progression is hindered by repetitive phrasing and occasional confusion in referencing, such as the unclear connection between the 2015 crash and the subsequent data points. Improving the variety and accuracy of linking words would significantly enhance the flow of your writing.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'fluctuated', 'substantially', and 'surged'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors, such as 'shop opening market', 'dramatical declined', and 'shop closure share'. These errors occasionally make the text sound unnatural. To improve, focus on using collocations correctly in the context of data reporting (e.g., 'the number of shop openings' rather than 'shop opening market').
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('the both graphs fluctuated'), incorrect tense usage, and missing articles ('in same country', 'in first year'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with comma usage. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to lower the overall accuracy score. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for subject-verb agreement would be beneficial.
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