Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some observers suggest that implimetion of formal education is increased in the elmentary schools. I firmly believe, concentrating on formal education at young age can restrict child physical development.

Admettly, focusing to much on the formal learning leads to academic brunout at very young age. primary schools should drivert their focus toward creative activity in stead of foucsing on the eduation, this create pressure which unable to handle by child at this age leads to burnout. Furthermore, this notion restricts the creative part of the brain to develop as their are busy in obtaining education, childeren at this are

Moreover, this notion facilitates in instilling discipline and structural habits.

To conclude, providing exssive amount of knwoledge to childeren acn leads to academic burnout at very young age and restrict physical development, while its incorporates discipline and certain hibits for its own betterment.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

Your position is partly clear: you argue that too much formal learning can cause burnout and restrict physical development, while briefly acknowledging that it may build discipline. However, the response addresses the task only partially. The second question—how important play is alongside learning in the classroom—is not answered directly, and the benefits of play are not explained with a relevant example. The paragraph about burnout ends mid-sentence (“children at this are”), leaving an idea incomplete, and the conclusion repeats claims rather than resolving both questions. The response is also 108 words below the required minimum, which leaves too little space to develop and support your ideas. Explain your position on both questions and add specific examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response into an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, and transitions such as “Furthermore,” “Moreover,” and “To conclude” show awareness of linking ideas. However, progression is difficult to follow because the first body paragraph breaks off at “children at this are,” and the next paragraph introduces discipline without explaining how it relates to the argument about play. The conclusion also combines ideas without clearly showing their relationship. Some linking is mechanical rather than logical, and the short response does not establish a clear sequence of claims and support. Use one paragraph for the drawbacks of excessive formal learning and another to explain the value of classroom play, with each paragraph developed to a complete point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt some topic-related vocabulary, including “formal education,” “academic burnout,” “creative activity,” and “discipline.” These choices show an effort to discuss schooling and child development, but the usable range is limited and several spelling errors make the message harder to read: “implimetion,” “elmentary,” “Admettly,” and “childeren.” Some phrases are also imprecise or unnatural, such as “the creative part of the brain” and “for its own betterment.” Choose accurate, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. For example, “creative development” is more suitable than “the creative part of the brain,” while “excessive formal instruction” expresses your main concern more precisely than “exssive amount of knowledge.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt to use complex relationships between ideas, particularly in “focusing to much on the formal learning leads to academic brunout,” and you include a contrast in the conclusion with “while.” However, the range of sentence structures is limited, and errors in sentence construction and agreement sometimes make meaning unclear. For example, “this create pressure which unable to handle by child” lacks a correctly formed verb phrase and clear grammatical structure. “Their are busy” also has an agreement error, and the opening comma in “I firmly believe, concentrating…” incorrectly separates the main clause from the following phrase. The unfinished sentence ending “children at this are” further disrupts accuracy. Practise complete clauses, subject–verb agreement, and punctuation around introductory phrases.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.