Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

Many people contradict the fact that primary schools focuses more on formal learning rather then the extra-curricular activities outside the classroom. This essay will discuss the fact that extra-curricular activities are very important for children rather than only having formal education at school. For example, childrens starts to engage with smart devices rather than physical activities at primary level and many of them become lazy and unhealthy .

As primary school kids should be more playful and interested in physical activities rather children nowadays engaging more with smartphones, tablets and many devices by watching online videos because primary schools only pay attention in education rather then sports or extracurricular activities. For example, childrens becoming addicted to youtube videos like cocomelon rhymes.

Along with that kids are also becoming lazy and uninterested towards physical activities and becoming obesse. As a result, they are falling sick easily and their immune systems become weak. For example, childrens become homebodies and get sick at very little interaction with outside environment.

In conclusion, it is very crucial for children to engage in studies and extracurricular activities simultaniously. Or else they will become unroductive and will become obesse. So, the schools should include other activities rather than only studies in their curriculams.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You take a relevant position: children should have opportunities for play and physical activity alongside formal study, and the conclusion restates this view. The examples of children watching online videos and becoming less active relate to the topic. However, the response only partially answers the task: it does not clearly explain how important play is within the primary-school classroom, and it focuses mainly on screen use and health rather than explaining the educational or social benefits of classroom play. Several claims, such as children becoming ill after little contact with the outside environment, are asserted rather than supported. The response is also 44 words below the required minimum, which limits the space available to develop reasons and examples. Explain your position directly and extend each main point with a specific classroom example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, supporting paragraphs and a conclusion. Paragraphs generally stay on a related subject, and phrases such as “For example” and “As a result” signal examples and consequences. However, the progression is limited: the two body paragraphs repeat the ideas that children use devices, are inactive and become unhealthy, rather than developing distinct reasons. Some links are mechanical, and “Along with that” does not clearly show how the next point advances the argument. The opening sentence is also difficult to follow, making the position less clear at the outset. Organise the body around separate benefits of play, then use clear references and transitions to show how each point supports your overall view.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use relevant topic vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “physical activities,” “extracurricular activities” and “immune systems,” so the reader can understand the general subject. However, the range is limited and several expressions are repeated, particularly “children,” “activities” and “become.” Some word choices or collocations are inaccurate or awkward, such as “contradict the fact,” “pay attention in education” and “homebodies.” Spelling errors, including “obesse,” “simultaniously” and “curriculams,” also reduce accuracy. Aim for more precise language to describe the role of play and learning, and check spelling carefully. For example, you could distinguish between “physical development,” “social skills” and “classroom-based learning” rather than relying on repeated general terms.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including a cause-and-effect structure with “As a result” and a subordinate clause beginning “because.” However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences difficult to read. For example, “primary schools focuses” has a subject–verb agreement error, while “childrens starts” and “kids … engaging” show problems with plural forms and verb structure. The sentence beginning “As primary school kids should be more playful” is incomplete or awkwardly constructed, and “rather then” is used where a comparison needs clearer grammatical framing. Practise building accurate sentences around one main idea, checking agreement and verb forms, and use a wider range of structures only when you can control them.

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