Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some people thaught that primary school focus too much on formal learning.But this is not true because the thaught of these people are not correct.The teacher of these school are much focus on the student because these teacher makes the base of young children.

Study is very important for student life and the sports are very important for the student.Because the sports provide the freshment to the student.The teachers are very coprative for the student because they thaught the good lesson to the student and provide a good freshment to the student.

The teacher of primary school should much focus on the student study becuase the young children are not focus on the study.So the teacher wanted to provide the better study to the young children.Both things are very important for a good student because the study make man prefect an dthe sports provide the freshment to the student.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You give a clear general view that formal study matters, stating that teachers should “much focus on the student study,” and you also acknowledge that sports are important. However, the response addresses the questions only minimally: it does not explain how much you agree that schools focus too heavily on formal learning, or clearly discuss the importance of play within the classroom. Reasons such as sports providing “freshment” are asserted rather than explained or illustrated with a relevant example. The response is also 101 words below the required minimum, leaving too little space to develop the position and support it. To improve, answer both questions directly, explain how play benefits children’s learning or wellbeing, and add a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic overall shape, moving from an opening opinion to comments about study and sports, then to a concluding statement that both matter. This gives the reader some sense of the main topic. However, ideas are not developed in a clear sequence, and the relationship between claims is sometimes difficult to follow. For example, the opening says the opposing view is “not correct,” but the later claim that teachers should focus strongly on study does not explain how this answers the question about excessive formal learning. Repeated references to teachers, students, study, and “freshment” also limit progression. Use separate paragraphs for your position, the value of play, and your conclusion, and connect each point with clear explanations.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a small set of relevant words, including “formal learning,” “sports,” “teachers,” and “young children,” so the general subject is usually identifiable. However, vocabulary is basic and repetitive, and several inaccurate word choices make the meaning less natural or less clear. “Freshment” does not express the intended benefit; “refreshment” or, more precisely, “relaxation” may fit. “The teacher … are much focus” and “the good lesson” also show difficulty selecting natural phrases. Build a wider range for discussing education and play, such as “academic instruction,” “physical activity,” and “social skills,” and check spelling and collocations. More precise vocabulary would help you explain your ideas rather than repeat the same terms.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You mainly use short, simple statements and attempt some longer sentences with “because,” as in “The teachers … because they thaught the good lesson.” This shows an effort to connect reasons, but the range of sentence structures remains limited and errors occur frequently. Subject–verb agreement is inconsistent (“primary school focus” and “these teacher makes”), and verb forms are often incorrect (“people thaught” and “the teacher … are”). Articles and sentence boundaries also need attention: “But” follows a full stop without a space, and several sentences begin with “Because” as fragments. Practise accurate present-tense patterns, for example, “Primary schools focus” and “teachers provide,” then combine ideas with correctly formed clauses and use full stops consistently.

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