Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Some people argue that, primary schools should not only focus on formal learning, but also put focus on childrens' physical activities, for example playing. This idea is not straightfoward, some ideas oppose this statement. Although, from my point of view, there should be a balance on both learning academically and do some physical exercises. This essay will discuss both sides.

Children are like mud. At some certain age, what they learn they will shape like that. So, some parents thinks, a child school should only focus on academic learning because it is high time to learn and concreate their basic of education. For instance, if a child is good at basic math it can be said that child will be good at critical thinking so parents force children to learn basic math from primary school. Some people also thinks that, academic subjects increase a childs' cognitive motors which will help that child to develop their excelliency in education field in future.

So, they focus more on academic learning than phycial activities.

On the other hand, some thinks that, academic learning is not only the thing a childs' parents and school should think. Playing with other children increase a childs' communication process. A playful child become more social than a child who only focuses on academic. As a result, a playful child likely never become isolated and it improves their phyche satisfaction. So, it helps in their brain developing system. If a child plays with educational tools, for example, shape matching, colour matching, climbing on ladder also helps them in their brain development.

To conclude, physical activities, extracurricular activities has a signifant role in a childs upbringing. Academic learning is a crucial part of a childs' development. Additionally, playing with other children or even on their own tools it helps them to connect more in real world things. So, a proper balance between formal learning and playing can give a child a great childhood and also create a more reliable person in future.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both parts of the prompt: you explain why some parents prioritise academic learning and describe benefits of play, then state that a balance is best. Examples such as basic mathematics and shape-matching activities help make the discussion relevant. However, the position is not fully consistent: the introduction says the essay will discuss “both sides,” while the conclusion supports balance without clearly stating how far you agree that schools focus too much on formal learning. Some points also need fuller explanation. For instance, the claim that academic subjects develop “cognitive motors” is unclear, and the benefits of play are listed more than explored. State your degree of agreement directly and develop fewer key reasons with clearer explanations or examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable overall structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for academic learning and play, and a conclusion. Transitions such as “On the other hand,” “As a result,” and “To conclude” help signal the direction of the discussion. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow, and linking can feel mechanical. The sentence “So, they focus more on academic learning than physical activities” repeats the preceding point rather than advancing it. References such as “that child” and “it” are not always immediately clear, while the introduction’s promise to discuss both sides does not quite match the essay’s organisation. Use clearer topic sentences and connect each example explicitly to the main claim of its paragraph.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “cognitive,” “communication,” “isolated,” and “extracurricular activities.” These choices show an effort to discuss education and child development beyond very basic terms. However, several inaccurate or unnatural expressions reduce precision, such as “cognitive motors,” “phyche satisfaction,” “brain developing system,” and “reliable person in future.” There are also spelling errors, including “straightfoward,” “concreate,” “excelliency,” and “signifant.” These do not prevent the reader from understanding the main ideas, but they make the writing less natural. Check spelling carefully and choose established collocations, such as “cognitive development” and “psychological well-being,” to express your points more precisely.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including a concession beginning “Although” and conditional examples such as “if a child plays with educational tools.” The main message is generally understandable, but errors in agreement, possessives, articles, and sentence construction occur across the response. For example, “some parents thinks” should be “some parents think,” and “Playing with other children increase” should be “Playing with other children increases.” The opening “Although, from my point of view” is not a complete, well-formed clause, and the final sentence beginning “Additionally, playing…” has an unclear structure. Review subject–verb agreement and possessive forms, and make sure each sentence has a clear main clause. More accurate complex sentences would strengthen the range you are already attempting.

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