Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

These days, Schools are more towards the theoratical learning, instead of practical knowledge and professional learning. I believe that both are very important parts, theory gives you a knowdedge of topic and practical activites tells you a real time understanding of the topic. In this essay i am completely agree with the essay and i will explain my opinion with examples.

Firstly, primary schools are more concerned about their final collective results, because that will decide the overall ranking of school, and good ranking helps them to gain more bussiness. So they are just focusing the bookish knowledge, and the style of teaching is very formal. Basically, they are just forcing students to memorise topic and write in the exams, they donot care about the student understaning. For example almost all schools in our country advertising the marks of students but no one tells how many of their past students are strict to their goal, or how many are in a good industry.

Secondly, teaching just formal things are very cheap, because for a practical knowledge schools have to arrange some casual activites which may cost them alot. For example many of the schools donot have a play area and they donot even have a basic labs for science students. If they will add practical knowledge in the course than they have to spent alot of money, so as a bussiness organization this is not a good deal.

On the other hand, there are some public schools who are still on their vision, and teaching kids in both formaly and practicaly. They have good resources and they are not profit making organizations.

In conclusion, schools are more in formal learning styles just to get a good results and to make more profit by spending less finances, but i believe that this is very bad approach both have their own importance school must think more about the future of students instead profit.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You take a clear position that schools place too much emphasis on formal learning, and you give relevant reasons: pressure to improve rankings and the cost of practical facilities. The examples about schools advertising exam marks and lacking play areas or science labs help illustrate these points. However, the response only partly answers the second question. Play is mentioned mainly through the lack of play areas, but you do not explain how important play is in classroom learning or how it benefits children. The contrast with public schools is also brief and not supported. To strengthen the response, address both questions directly and develop the value of play with a specific example, such as how games can build social skills or reinforce a lesson.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two main reasons, a contrasting point and a conclusion. Sequencing words such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “On the other hand” make the progression easy to follow. However, the contrast paragraph is short and its connection to the main argument is not fully explained; the conclusion also repeats the points about profit and formal learning rather than drawing the discussion together. Some links between ideas are mechanical, and references such as “both” in the conclusion are not entirely clear. Improve cohesion by making each paragraph’s central point explicit, linking examples back to the question, and using clearer references instead of relying mainly on basic transition phrases.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “practical knowledge,” “overall ranking,” and “memorise,” so the reader can understand the main argument. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate, which sometimes makes the meaning less natural. For example, “final collective results,” “gain more bussiness,” and “strict to their goal” do not express the intended ideas clearly; “business” is also misspelled. Repeated reliance on “practical knowledge” and “formal” limits variety. Build a more precise vocabulary for education and child development, and check collocations and spelling. For instance, use “academic results,” “attract more enrolments,” and “remain committed to their goals.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including explanations with “because” and examples introduced by “For example.” However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles and verb forms occur frequently enough to make some passages difficult to read. Examples include “I am completely agree,” “schools are more concerned about their final collective results,” and “they have to spent alot of money.” Capitalisation and punctuation are also inconsistent, as in “Schools” and “i” in the opening. Practise accurate subject–verb patterns and verb forms, and proofread each sentence for a clear subject and main verb. Breaking some long sentences into shorter, complete statements would also improve clarity.

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