Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Formal education has been around since many decades. While the actual delivery method and content has not necessarily changed much, nowadays more and more people are focusing too much time in it during primary schools years. Some critiques argue that the amount of time spent is excessive. The statment is mostly true and is more prevelant in asian countries. This may be attributed to the fact that the parents want their children to lay very strong foundation early on. While it is important, I think it is imperative that people should allow their childrens to play and grow as well.

Primary schools students in asian countries such as China and Korea typically on average spend anywhere from 10 to 16 hours a day on their studies and formal learning. Parents generally tend to sign their kids to extra lessons along with their full day of school. The competitive nature of academia and job prospect for good grade are primary motivating factors for parents to make such decisions. In my opinion, the amount of time spent on studying is overwhelming and does not give any time for childrens to play or enjoy their time.

A children education does not only consist of formal knowledge such as their school subjects but also about human nature. It is crucial that they also learn about communication and team work early in their childhood. Allowing children to play along with their learning allows such growth. In my experience playing group sports with others forces us to talk clearly and better co-ordinate with each others. Hence, getting a more all round education for modern era.

To conclude, in certain parts of asia the amount of time spent on formal learning is excessive in my opinion. Although it is critical part of our life, children should also be allowed to play so that they get a more well rounded education that only comes with playing.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you largely agree that formal learning can take up too much time, and you argue that play supports children’s broader development. You address both questions and give relevant examples, including extra lessons in China and Korea and your experience with group sports. However, the discussion of how much primary schools themselves focus on formal learning is partly blurred with parents’ decisions to arrange additional lessons, and the claim about very long study days is not explained or qualified. The benefits of play are more clearly illustrated, but could be developed further with a specific classroom example. To strengthen the response, distinguish school instruction from after-school study and explain how a balanced classroom might combine play with learning.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a coherent overall arrangement: the introduction states your view, the two body paragraphs develop the concerns about study and the value of play, and the conclusion restates your position. Linking expressions such as “While,” “In my opinion,” “Hence,” and “To conclude” help signal the progression. Some connections are less clear or feel mechanical, however. For example, “Hence, getting a more all round education” is a fragment and does not fully connect the example to the claim, while the shift from school hours to parents’ extra lessons could be signposted more carefully. Referencing is also occasionally unclear, as in “such growth.” Use more explicit links between each example and the point it supports, and make sure each paragraph develops one clearly defined aspect of your argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “competitive nature of academia,” “communication,” and “team work,” which makes your main ideas understandable. There are also attempts at more precise expressions, such as “strong foundation” and “well rounded education,” though some combinations are inaccurate or awkward. Examples include “focusing too much time in it,” “job prospect for good grade,” and “sign their kids to extra lessons.” Spelling errors such as “statment,” “prevelant,” and “childrens” also reduce accuracy. These issues do not prevent the reader from following your argument, but more natural collocations and careful proofreading would improve control. Aim to choose phrases that express the relationship precisely, rather than relying on broad or translated-sounding wording.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including a concession in “While it is important…” and a relative clause in “so that they get a more well rounded education.” Most of the argument remains understandable, but some grammatical errors recur. For example, “Primary schools students … spend” has a number-agreement problem, and “A children education” and “children should also be allowed” show difficulties with possessive and plural forms. The sentence beginning “Hence, getting…” is incomplete, and “Although it is critical part of our life” is missing an article. Work on noun forms, articles, agreement, and complete sentence construction. Varying sentence patterns is useful, but check that each longer sentence has a clear subject and main verb.

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