Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Today some people think that formal learning is important for primary schools students so that they shuld focus on it too much. I completely agree with this statement and i will give my opinion.

Fristly, primary school is most crucial part in a students life ,becouse children strat their study life in this school. Children learn their beasic knowladge at home from their parents and other family members, thats why it is caled foundation of learning life in chiledhood. On the other hand, when children admited their first calss in the primary school they started a new life where they learn new things which is they dose not know before thats why formal learning is really impotant in primary school. Such as, a student want to know about any object and they dont know what it is when teacher told him the details polayetly its helps enhanch their brain adoptation.

Secondly, in early age children brain is growing too fast they adopt everything they saw and the heard, so it is important that learning formal things like how to talk older, how to grating others and many things , it helps them to grow up and their future behavior. Moreover, teacher should care every students equally so that all of them know everything. For instance, when teacher start formal learning rethar than other things at first time which is effected for their brain andtheir mind.

In my opinion, i believe every good thing should start in the early age which is help students mind and they grow up like a good person. It is important to learn besic or formal learning in the primary school it help student learning skills.

To sum up, everything has some good side and bad side ,so it is depend on us what we want be in future. Also learning formal things it is really helpfull for praimary student.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

Your position is stated clearly: “I completely agree,” and you give relevant reasons about children learning foundational knowledge and developing behaviour. However, the response only minimally addresses the full question. It focuses on why formal learning matters, but does not explain whether primary schools focus on it too much, and it gives almost no consideration to the importance of play alongside learning. The examples, such as a teacher explaining an object or teaching children how to greet others, are brief and do not clearly support a balanced answer to both questions. To improve, state whether formal learning is overemphasised, then explain how play supports learning and give a specific example of classroom play benefiting children.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. Sequencing words such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” “Moreover” and “To sum up” help signal movement between points. However, progression is not consistently clear: several ideas repeat the importance of formal learning without developing a distinct line of argument, and the relationship between some sentences is difficult to follow. For example, “For instance” introduces a point about formal learning, but the sentence does not clearly explain its effect. The conclusion also introduces a general statement about good and bad sides rather than summarising the argument. Use clearer topic sentences and connect each example directly to the point it supports.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to education and child development, including “foundation,” “formal learning,” “behaviour” and “equally.” However, the range is limited and several words or phrases are repeated, particularly “formal learning,” “important” and “children.” Frequent spelling errors—such as “shuld,” “becouse,” “knowladge” and “praimary”—and inaccurate word choices can make the reader work to understand your meaning. Some expressions are also unnatural, for example “brain adoptation” and “how to talk older.” Build a more accurate set of topic vocabulary and check spelling carefully. Prefer precise, natural phrases such as “cognitive development,” “social skills” and “learning through play,” using them only where they fit your meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including clauses linked with “so,” “when” and “which,” and the overall message can usually be understood. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in sentence structure, verb forms, agreement, articles and punctuation occur frequently. For example, “when children admited their first calss … they started a new life where they learn” shifts tense and has an unclear clause structure; “it helps them to grow up and their future behavior” does not form a complete parallel construction. Capitalisation and comma spacing are also inconsistent. Practise writing shorter, complete sentences first, then combine ideas with accurate subordinate clauses. Check subject–verb agreement and keep verb tense consistent within each example.

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