Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Today, education became one of the most essential rights for human. This leads to kids to formal learning since they are in primary school. However, some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. In my opinion, I agree that primary schools are now concentrating too much on formal learning.

First, their characteristics are not defined yet. It is crucial for pupils fo learn more about themselves and interact with others in that age. Not only formal learning is important, but also the experience getting around with friends and adults creates who they are. For example, the time I made a first friend was when I was in elementary school. By interpersonal activities, I got to realize who I am, and how I should act to people. This first experience has influenced me from now on.

Also, it is important for them to do physical activities. There bodies' are not fully grown yet. As they run around, excercise, and play sports, they get to take care of themselves physically. For instance, jumping, is beneficial for students to raise their heights. However, if they only get to focus on formal learning, the chances to grow physically will reduce. Playing pysically also helps to learn about mental health too. When they once lose a game, they get to know about what losing feels like.

In conclusion, formal learning is inportant for pupils. But experiencing is more essential for them in real life. They should get to learn more other things in life that formal learning doesn't teach you. Therefore, I believe that primary schools are focusing too much on formal learning because playing helps them to define their characteristics and it is effective to them physically.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you agree that primary schools place too much emphasis on formal learning. You address both the value of other experiences and the importance of play, supporting these points with personal examples about making a friend and learning to cope with losing. This covers the task well overall. However, the discussion of classroom play could be more directly connected to how play complements learning, and the claim that jumping raises children’s height is not sufficiently explained or supported. The conclusion restates your view, but “experiencing is more essential” is broad. To strengthen the response, explain more fully how specific classroom activities develop social, emotional, or physical skills alongside academic knowledge.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting different benefits of non-formal activities, and a conclusion. “First,” “Also,” and “In conclusion” make the main stages easy to follow, and the examples generally appear beside the ideas they support. This gives the essay a coherent progression. Some connections are less smooth or precise, however. For example, “Playing pysically also helps to learn about mental health too” shifts abruptly from physical development to emotional learning, and the relationship between the ideas could be explained more clearly. The repeated use of “formal learning” and “important” also makes the links feel somewhat mechanical. Use clearer transitions between social, physical, and emotional benefits, and make pronoun references such as “they” unambiguous.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “interpersonal activities,” “physical activities,” “formal learning,” and “mental health,” and these choices help communicate your main points. There is some attempt to use more specific language, such as “characteristics” and “influenced.” However, the range is limited in places, and several word-choice, collocation, and spelling errors reduce precision: “experience getting around with friends,” “take care of themselves physically,” and “raise their heights” do not express the intended ideas naturally. There are also misspellings such as “excercise,” “pysically,” and “inportant.” Build a wider set of accurate phrases for describing play and child development, and check spelling and collocations carefully so your ideas sound natural and exact.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use a mixture of simple sentences and some more complex forms, including “However, if they only get to focus on formal learning, the chances to grow physically will reduce.” This shows an attempt to vary sentence structure, and your meaning is generally understandable. Some grammatical errors remain, though, and they affect accuracy: “Today, education became” uses an unsuitable tense, “This leads to kids to formal learning” has an incorrect verb pattern, and “There bodies’ are not fully grown yet” has errors in the possessive and punctuation. Other examples include “Not only formal learning is important” and “the time I made a first friend was when…”; these structures need more accurate word order and article use. Practise reliable complex sentence patterns and proofread verb forms, agreement, articles, and punctuation.

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