Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-11-14

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In recent years, the few number of individuals believe that primary schools focus to much on formal learning. The eassy will discuss about do you agree or my opinion on this matter. However, i partially agree with statement becaus they have positive and negative impact on the children.

On the one hand, there are some reasons of school focus too much formal learning. The first and foremost reason is children focus on their study and it helps to improve children academic perfomance. To ellobrate, when children conentrate on their study they can easily acheive good marks in their exams and they improve their knowledge. Moreover, children get opporunities and jobs in future because children focus on their study and they learn their favourite subject to improve their interest and they build their carrer and become indepent in future.

On the other hand, there are many negative impacts of this statement. Firstly, they face mental and health issue in their life when chidren only focus in their study they become frustrated and children don't play outdoor activities they become weak and not physicaly strong in their life. Futhermore, children face stress and depression in their life because they have much pressure from their study and they suffer from many metal problems and it impact their health. they feel bored and frustrate.

In conclusion, I partially agree with this statement because i think it's important for children to play as well as learn in their primary school classroom because focus only formal learning children get better academic performance however they face metal and physical problems in their life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a clear overall position by saying, “I partially agree,” and you address both formal study and the value of play. The response also meets the stated length requirement; the nine words copied from the task prompt are excluded from the count. However, the discussion only partially answers the questions because the reasons are brief and general. For example, you say study can improve marks and future job opportunities, while lack of play can cause stress and poor physical health, but you do not explain these effects in detail or give a relevant example. The importance of play in the classroom is mentioned mainly in the conclusion. Develop this point in the body and explain more precisely how play supports children’s learning and wellbeing.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs beginning “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. These paragraph divisions help the reader follow the broad contrast between academic study and its possible drawbacks. However, progression within the paragraphs is limited, and several ideas are repeated rather than developed—for instance, the second body paragraph repeats that children face stress and mental problems. Some linking phrases, such as “The first and foremost reason” and “Moreover,” signal addition but do not always make the relationship between ideas clear. The conclusion also combines several points in a confusing way. Organise each paragraph around one main claim, explain it, and use clearer references and transitions to connect the explanation to the claim.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate the main ideas, including “academic performance,” “outdoor activities,” “stress,” and “depression.” There are also attempts to express consequences and future outcomes, such as children becoming independent. However, the range is limited and several word-choice, collocation, and spelling errors make the writing less clear or natural. Examples include “few number of individuals,” “focus to much,” “build their carrer,” and “metal problems.” Repeated use of “children,” “study,” and “life” also makes the vocabulary sound repetitive. Build a more precise set of phrases for classroom learning and play, and check spelling and common word combinations. For example, use “a small number of people,” “focus too much,” and “mental health problems.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple sentences and longer sentences with clauses, including “when children concentrate on their study they can easily achieve good marks.” This shows an effort to explain causes and results. However, the range of structures remains limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences difficult to follow. For example, “The essay will discuss about do you agree” has an incorrect clause structure, while “when children only focus in their study they become frustrated” has problems with the preposition and sentence punctuation. There are also inconsistent capital letters and missing commas after introductory clauses. Practise forming clear topic sentences and complex sentences with “because,” “when,” and “although,” then check subject–verb agreement, articles, prepositions, and punctuation.

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