Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-01

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 7.0)

To some, primary schools prioritize formal learning more. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this view. Playing is a crucial part of a child's development, so incorporating it into their learning scheme will make learning fun and reduce fatigue.

To begin, the system of elementary schools focuses more on formal education, paying less attention to other areas of education such as informal learning and vocational learning. In recent years, the educational system has poured most of its energy into structured learning as it believes it enhances the production of elites, who will make society proud. Aside from that, formal learning lays the foundation for other forms of education. To illustrate this, a child who was taught with a structured learning system will perform better than those who were not exposed to such.

In terms of play, it is an integral part of a child's developmental milestone. Not only does it make learning fun for children, it also minimizes the rate of fatigue during learning, as most kids have short attention spans. Teaching the younger population while playing with them, either with music or building blocks, facilitates learning as that is what their brain can articulate faster at that stage of their life. For example, pupils who are taught the letters of the alphabet will memorize them fast when they are associated with songs and images.

In conclusion, I believe that the academic system of primary school focuses more on formal learning than others. Although playing might seem like a distraction to a child's learning process, its importance, such as making education fun for kids and helping in the reduction of stress, cannot be overlooked.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement regarding the focus on formal learning and the importance of play. The position is clear throughout. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument that formal learning produces 'elites' is a broad generalization that could have been supported with more specific examples or nuanced reasoning. The discussion on play is better developed, providing concrete examples like music and building blocks. To reach a higher band, ensure that arguments are fully extended with more depth rather than relying on general statements.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the two main points. Cohesive devices such as 'To begin', 'Aside from that', and 'In conclusion' are used effectively to guide the reader. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and the flow between sentences could be smoother. For example, the transition between the discussion of 'elites' and the 'foundation for other forms of education' in the second paragraph is a bit abrupt. Overall, the progression of ideas is clear and easy to follow.

Lexical Resource — Band 7.0

The vocabulary is generally appropriate and sufficient for the task. You use some good collocations like 'developmental milestone', 'short attention spans', and 'formal education'. There are some minor inaccuracies in word choice, such as 'production of elites' or 'what their brain can articulate faster', which sound slightly unnatural. While you demonstrate a sufficient range to convey your meaning clearly, the use of less common lexical items is limited. To improve, try to incorporate more precise academic vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance the sophistication of your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 7.0

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Most sentences are clear and grammatically sound, which ensures that communication is not impeded. There are occasional errors, such as 'a child who was taught with a structured learning system will perform better than those who were not exposed to such' (where 'such' is used awkwardly). Additionally, some phrasing is slightly repetitive. While you show good control over basic grammar, increasing the variety of complex structures and ensuring greater precision in sentence construction would help you achieve a higher score.

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