Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Many people think that primary schools focus more on academic as compared to sports. I largely agree with this view because overaly academic approach can lead to limit children's overall development. I strongly believe that sports also play an important role in children's development.

In many countries, primary schools focus on both academic side as well as sports. They devote specific amount of time to subjects like mathematics, science and language. Although these subjects are undoubtedly important but excessive focus on examinations and academic achievment can makes children under high pressure which can cause risky health issues to them. This can leads to drepression, anxiety and stress which is not good for primary school students.

Similarly, sports is also an important for children. This keeps them physically and mentally strong. Some students are more attactive in athletes as compared to academic. Activities such as block games, arts , crosswords make students more active and sharp their mind. These games encourage them. think individually, problem solving and coorporate with others. I prefer, that primary schools should focus equally on both children's playing activity as well as their learning skills.

Although, primary schools children are much younger so they can easily learn things faster.

In conclusion, I strongly agree, that primary schools should focus too much on formal learning but with that they should also focus on children's play time. There should allow children to play. I prefer, them that they should arrange classroom time more efficiently so that children should get equal time to play as well as study.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement regarding formal learning and the importance of play. The position is clear throughout. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention that academic pressure leads to 'risky health issues' and 'depression,' these points could be expanded with more specific examples or deeper analysis. The conclusion is slightly repetitive and contains a contradiction where you state you agree that schools focus 'too much' on learning, which is the prompt's premise, but the phrasing is slightly confusing. To reach a higher band, ensure that each supporting point is fully explored with clear, logical reasoning rather than just stating the ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your argument. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Similarly,' 'Although,' and 'In conclusion.' However, the use of these devices is sometimes mechanical or slightly inaccurate, such as the transition 'Although, primary schools children are much younger...' which does not logically connect to the previous paragraph. Additionally, there are some issues with referencing and sentence-level flow, such as 'I prefer, them that they should arrange...' which disrupts the progression of ideas. Improving the variety and precision of your linking words will help the essay flow more naturally.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'academic achievement,' 'physically and mentally strong,' and 'problem solving.' However, there are several instances of word-choice errors and awkward collocations, such as 'attactive in athletes' (likely meaning 'interested in athletics') and 'sharp their mind' (should be 'sharpen'). Some spelling errors, such as 'overaly,' 'drepression,' and 'coorporate,' are present. While these do not prevent the reader from understanding your message, they indicate a need for more careful proofreading and a broader range of precise vocabulary to move into the higher bands.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the flow of reading. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('academic achievment can makes children,' 'This can leads to'), incorrect preposition usage, and awkward phrasing ('I prefer, that primary schools should focus...'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with the unnecessary commas after 'I prefer' and 'Although.' While you attempt complex structures, the control over these is inconsistent. Focusing on basic subject-verb agreement and eliminating unnecessary punctuation will significantly improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.