Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

It is undeniable that education is a part and parcel of the life. In this regard, it is widely acknowledged that primary school excessively emphasize on much of the formal learning rather than any curricular activity due to the intensifying academic competition. I agree to a large extent with this notion due to numerous factors which will be outlined in the forthcoming fragments with a logical conclusion.

To commence with, there are several reasons about why it is necessary for every student to must navigate rigorous academic expectations. Firstly, an overwhelming focus on formal learning has become the norm largely because parents realize that high academic performance is crucial for admission to prestigious secondary schools. To explain, the competition among schools has reached to the peak in this contemporary era due to that parents often find a school which primarily gives attention to scholars learning. Furthermore, school administrators must accommodate these demanding expectations to remain competitive, especially amid declining birth rates where school survival depends on strong academic track records. Consequently, primary students are overburdened with challenging curricula, extensive homework, and continuous testing. For instance, teachers from prestigious schools often report that students use recess to complete assignments because post-school hours are consumed by additional revision and tutoring.

Nevertheless, it is no secret that there are a great many benefits to encouraging children in primary schools to participate in extracurricular activities such as sports, painting, dancing, and so on. It engages the creative centers of their brains and can boost their cognitive development. There are innumerable studies that prove the boons of adopting a balanced approach to learning, where such activities are integrated into their formal education. This is precisely why I feel that several schools tend to overconcentrate on formal learning, neglecting the other side of the equation.

In conclusion, although primary schools currently focus excessively on formal learning due to parental pressure and institutional competition, yet incorporating play is beneficial for engagement, it cannot replace structured academic learning, as students ultimately require strong foundational knowledge to succeed in their future education.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

You have addressed both parts of the prompt: the extent to which you agree with the focus on formal learning and the importance of play. Your position is clear from the introduction and maintained throughout. The ideas are relevant and supported by logical reasoning, such as the mention of parental pressure and institutional competition. However, the development of the second part of the prompt—the importance of play—is slightly less detailed than the first part. To reach a higher band, ensure that the discussion on the benefits of play is as thoroughly explored as the reasons for the current academic focus, perhaps by providing more specific examples of how play facilitates learning in a classroom setting.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph has a central theme, and you use cohesive devices such as 'To commence with', 'Furthermore', and 'Nevertheless' to link your points effectively. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the different aspects of the argument. While the flow is generally smooth, some transitions could be more sophisticated to avoid a slightly mechanical feel. For instance, the concluding sentence is a bit long and contains a slight grammatical awkwardness with the 'although... yet' structure, which slightly disrupts the cohesion of the final summary.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, using terms like 'intensifying academic competition', 'rigorous academic expectations', and 'cognitive development' appropriately. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, which adds precision to your writing. However, there are some minor collocation issues, such as 'excessively emphasize on' (should be 'emphasize') and 'reached to the peak' (should be 'reached its peak'). These errors do not impede communication, but they prevent the vocabulary from reaching a higher level of naturalness and sophistication required for the top bands.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is a strength. There are several error-free sentences, and your control of grammar is generally good. However, there are some persistent errors, such as 'every student to must navigate' (a modal verb error) and 'due to that parents often find' (a conjunction error). Additionally, the final sentence is slightly run-on and grammatically cluttered. To improve, focus on refining the use of modal verbs and ensuring that complex sentence structures are punctuated correctly to avoid minor errors that occur when combining multiple clauses.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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