Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-17

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is often argued that the elementary education may concentrate on the academic learning more than entertainment. I completely disagree with this view because entertainment is as crucial as the academic learing for the students specially the young ones. The main reasons for my opinion are the disadvantages of the continous academic classes. Moreover, there are many benefits of play and sports for children.

The primary reason is that many schools create offensive academic pressure. This is mainly because of focusing too much on exams. A good example of this is the stress that most of student live in during the final exam period that may cause some social and health issues such as social isolation and depression. As a result the academic education alone may cause a notable deterioration in students’ general developments.

Another important reason is that play is considered one of the best channels that children can invest in to maximize their capabilities. This can be explained by the fact that children in young age have a great physical energy that could be invested in these beneficial ways. For instance, schools that have already updated their curricula to include play as an essential class, their students have the ability of practical learning more than others. Therefore, sports play a vital role in improving students well-being.

Taking everything into consideration, I firmly believe that sports and play is extremely important to be added as a main subject in schools specifically the primary ones. This is mainly because the detrimental consequences of the stressing on the academic education alone. Furthermore, the great benefits of sports that can help students acquire more healthy mindset.

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AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement regarding formal learning and the importance of play. The position is clear throughout. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument about 'offensive academic pressure' is a strong point, but the explanation remains a bit general. The second body paragraph regarding the benefits of play is also somewhat repetitive in its focus on 'energy' and 'well-being' without exploring specific cognitive or social developmental benefits in depth. To reach a higher band, you should provide more nuanced examples or elaborate further on the 'how' and 'why' behind your claims.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate distinct ideas. Cohesive devices such as 'The primary reason is', 'Moreover', 'For instance', and 'Taking everything into consideration' are used to guide the reader. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and there are minor issues with referencing, such as the phrase 'the stressing on the academic education' in the conclusion, which is slightly awkward. Overall, the progression of ideas is clear, and the essay flows well from one point to the next.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey your ideas clearly. There are some good collocations like 'academic pressure', 'social isolation', and 'notable deterioration'. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice, such as 'offensive academic pressure' (where 'excessive' or 'intense' would be more natural) and 'entertainment' (which is a bit broad; 'play-based learning' or 'recreational activities' would be more precise in an educational context). Some minor errors in word form occur, such as 'in young age' instead of 'at a young age'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is always clear, there are recurring grammatical errors. For example, 'the elementary education may concentrate' (the article 'the' is unnecessary here), 'most of student' (should be 'most students'), and 'the stressing on the academic education' (should be 'the stress placed on'). Additionally, there are some punctuation and article usage slips throughout. While these errors do not impede communication, they prevent the essay from reaching the higher bands where error-free complex sentences are more frequent.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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