Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-20
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.
To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 6.0)
Learning has always been regarded as one of the most necessary aspects of our society contributing to technological development and economic growth. Primary schools are foundation of modern society ,so we should invest not only on the formal education but also on the personal branding of children. However, different perspectives exist on this matter, I firmly believe that a balanced and sustainable approach is essential to maximize the benefits and minimize the negative consequences.
On the one hands, supporters having too much focus on formal learning argue that the most children are not multitalented.Therefore, they can distract from their original goals. As formal degrees and certificates are important for their career growth and financial stability. According to the genral myth, If children achieve higher grades, they will excel in future.
On the other hand, advocates of extracurricular activities contend that personal branding is also very important in addition to formal education. Sports develops cognitive growth, teamwork, leadership, problem solving skills and emotional intelligence. Positive personality and good communication skills produce higer success rate in the professional world. Emmotinally intelligent and mentally person can make perfect decisions in life not only for personal need but also for the whole nation. For example, regular excercise and sports decrease the risk of many diseases such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. Many experts suggested that we should focus on both professional and personal growth of our children.
In conclusion, although both viewpoints have considerable merits, I remain convinced that there should be a balanced syllabus containing both formal as well as informal learning activities for children. In my opinion, sports is very helpful not only for our health but also for our personal growth alnog with the formal education.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 6.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 6.0 |
| Overall | 6.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement regarding formal learning and the importance of play. The position is clear throughout, advocating for a balanced approach. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. While the benefits of extracurricular activities are well-supported with examples like teamwork and health benefits, the argument for formal learning is less developed and relies on a 'general myth' rather than a strong, logical foundation. To reach a higher band, ensure that both sides of the argument are explored with equal depth and specific, relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct focus. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion', which help guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions are slightly mechanical or misused, such as 'On the one hands' (grammatical error) and the abrupt start to the second paragraph. Additionally, the referencing is occasionally unclear, such as the phrase 'mentally person' which disrupts the flow of the sentence. Improving the variety and precision of linking words would enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource — Band 6.0
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, with some attempts at less common items like 'cognitive growth' and 'cardiovascular diseases'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice or non-standard collocations, such as 'personal branding of children' (which is usually a business term) and 'mentally person'. Spelling errors like 'genral', 'higer', 'Emmotinally', and 'alnog' also occur. While these do not impede communication, they indicate a need for more careful proofreading and a wider range of precise, context-appropriate vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('Sports develops', 'Many experts suggested'), missing articles, and punctuation errors (e.g., 'society ,so'). The sentence 'If children achieve higher grades, they will excel in future' is a good attempt at a conditional structure, but the overall control of grammar is inconsistent. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction and proofreading for common errors like pluralization and verb tense consistency.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.