Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-23
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.
To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
It is argued that some individuals believe elementary schools strictly focusing on formal methods to teach their students. I entirely agree with this statement, because of the period of primary students is supposed to be playing and learning, therefore schools should utilize fun-learning methods and outdoor learning to their pupils. So, I will explain more below.
Perhaps the first major of this reason is that the learnes would effectively understand the courses, if schools implemented fun-learning way in their syllabus. This is because, in fact, time of children in elementary schools is mostly fulfilled by playing, it is said that the understanding of children on a subject would be easier if schools combined the courses with games and knowledges. Consequently, the distraction would be prevented by that method, and pupils would not stress. For instance, in Indonesia, education minister implemented fun-learning way to all of the primary schools. As a result, many students eager to study more in the schools, based on the latest official survey.
Another kind of ways is exploration. Exploring a city garden, beach, or even zoos would be beneficial for the pupils in experiencing a new thing. This is because learning in outdoor would bring the pupils to practice what they learned in class, and it would increase their emphaty for others. Consequently, it would shape their traits to be good members in societies. For instance, in Vietnam, many kids respected the elderly or adults because of the culture that they learned in schools.
To sum up, it seems to me that the best ways to teach pupils is fun-learning and outdoor learning, due to balancing between playing and studying.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
Tanggapan tersebut membahas kedua bagian dari perintah: tingkat persetujuan mengenai pembelajaran formal dan pentingnya bermain. Namun, pengembangan ide agak terbatas. Meskipun Anda memberikan contoh dari Indonesia dan Vietnam, hubungan antara contoh dan argumen terkadang lemah. Misalnya, penyebutan Vietnam berfokus pada menghormati orang tua, yang tidak secara langsung mengilustrasikan manfaat 'outdoor learning' sejelas yang dimaksudkan. Untuk mencapai band yang lebih tinggi, pastikan poin pendukung Anda dieksplorasi lebih dalam dan terhubung langsung ke pertanyaan spesifik yang diajukan, alih-alih mengandalkan pernyataan umum tentang sistem pendidikan.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
Esai disusun ke dalam paragraf yang logis, masing-masing dengan topik sentral yang jelas. Anda menggunakan beberapa perangkat kohesif seperti 'Consequently', 'For instance', dan 'To sum up' untuk memandu pembaca. Namun, penggunaan perangkat ini terkadang mekanis atau sedikit tidak alami, seperti 'Another kind of ways is exploration'. Selain itu, ada beberapa masalah dengan referensi; misalnya, kalimat pembuka secara tata bahasa terfragmentasi, membuat posisi awal sedikit tidak jelas. Meningkatkan alur antar kalimat dan menggunakan variasi kata penghubung yang lebih luas akan meningkatkan koherensi tulisan Anda secara keseluruhan.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
Kosakata Anda umumnya memadai untuk tugas tersebut, memungkinkan Anda untuk mengomunikasikan ide-ide Anda dengan jelas. Anda mencoba menggunakan beberapa kosakata khusus topik seperti 'syllabus', 'formal methods', dan 'implement'. Namun, ada beberapa contoh pilihan kata yang canggung dan kesalahan kolokasi, seperti 'fun-learning way', 'time of children... is mostly fulfilled by playing', dan 'many students eager to study'. Kesalahan ini terkadang mengalihkan perhatian pembaca. Untuk meningkatkan, fokuslah pada mempelajari kolokasi umum dan menggunakan terminologi akademik yang lebih tepat daripada mengulang frasa sederhana.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
Esai berisi campuran struktur kalimat sederhana dan kompleks, tetapi ada frekuensi kesalahan tata bahasa yang tinggi. Masalah termasuk subject-verb agreement ('education minister implemented'), penggunaan artikel yang salah, dan frasa yang canggung ('the period of primary students is supposed to be playing'). Beberapa kalimat secara struktural tidak lengkap atau membingungkan, seperti kalimat pembuka: 'It is argued that some individuals believe elementary schools strictly focusing on formal methods'. Meskipun kesalahan ini tidak sepenuhnya menghambat komunikasi, kesalahan tersebut cukup sering untuk menurunkan skor. Fokuslah pada penguasaan konstruksi kalimat dasar dan pemeriksaan kembali untuk subject-verb agreement.
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