Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-26
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.
To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.5)
A few individuals believe that primary schools concentrate excessively on formal learning. It is very essential for children to play and learn respectively in the primary school. I strongly agree with that statement because the children cannot completely focus on studies as it will affect their mental health and can lead to obesity.
To begin with, children are not old enough to only focus on formal learning, children at this age are admitted into primarily school so they can play sports to built their physical health and partially study to improve memory. This will lead to further success, not diseases such as obesity and poor blood circulation. For instance, if primary school concentrates too much on studies, consequently the students cannot do any activity which will lead to the diseases which is mentioned above.
Furthermore, excessive focus on formal education can make children stressful and loose interest in education, thus children will be not interested in participating classroom activities. Children should participate in sports so they can develop multiple skills such as how to communicate, cooperate and deal with problems. For example, participating in sports has positive developments for student instead of focusing on education.
In conclusion, children should partially participate in sports and formal education so they can develop skills which will help them in future prospects rather than being affected by diseases such as obesity, cardiovascular and type 2 diabetes. I strongly agree with the statement that, it is essential for children to play and study partially in the primary school.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement and the importance of play. The position is clear throughout. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive, particularly regarding the health benefits of play. The arguments rely heavily on the mention of 'obesity' and 'diseases' in every paragraph, which limits the depth of the discussion. To reach a higher band, you should expand on the educational or social benefits of play beyond just physical health, such as cognitive development or emotional intelligence, to provide a more comprehensive and balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion', which help guide the reader. However, some transitions are mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally repetitive. For example, the phrase 'diseases such as obesity' is repeated multiple times, which affects the flow. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring that ideas progress more naturally between sentences would enhance the coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but it lacks the range and precision required for higher bands. There are some inaccuracies in word choice, such as 'built their physical health' (should be 'build') and 'loose interest' (should be 'lose'). The repetition of basic terms like 'formal learning', 'primary school', and 'diseases' suggests a limited range. To improve, try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and collocations related to education and child development, and ensure correct word forms are used consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as 'children at this age are admitted into primarily school' (should be 'primary school') and 'the diseases which is mentioned above' (should be 'are mentioned'). Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. While these errors do not prevent communication, they occur frequently enough to impact the overall accuracy score. Focusing on proofreading for basic subject-verb agreement and pluralization would be beneficial.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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