Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Preschool education is a crucial topic that is discussed widely around the world. Many people believe that primary schools focus excessively on formal learning. Although learning core subjects benefits students, there are a few drawbacks; However, I strongly agree with this view that young children should have more time to play.

First and foremost, in the developmental years, children might go through mental strain due to too much exposure to core subjects, as a result of which they do not feel satisfied; even though they try as hard as they can still feel overwhelmed, and they do not feel a sense of accomplishment effortlessly, which might lead to depression. This might be detrimental to them mentally and physically.

Whereas, amplifying physical activities will help them primarily to be fit and active; also, encouraging the students to participate in sports or other games develops interest, as they do not see playing as stress but as fun. Moreover, a child under constant stress from a vast syllabus will be under constant stress, which might also affect their learning capabilities and progress. For example, fun activities like art, painting, and sports help them discover their interests, develop better critical and analytical skills, and a few children might excel in these fields.

Therefore, it is significant for young children to play and be active, which eventually helps them with formal learning as well, because a healthy child can learn and develop their abilities in a better way than a child who is under stress.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: the extent of agreement regarding formal learning and the importance of play. The position is clear from the introduction. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive, particularly regarding the concept of 'stress' in the second and third paragraphs. While the arguments are relevant, they lack specific, concrete examples from real-world contexts, relying instead on general assertions. To reach a higher band, you should provide more detailed illustrations or evidence to support your claims about how play specifically enhances cognitive or social development in a primary school setting.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. You use cohesive devices such as 'First and foremost', 'Moreover', and 'Therefore' to link your points. However, some transitions are slightly awkward, such as the use of 'Whereas' at the start of the third paragraph, which is grammatically incorrect in this context. Additionally, the punctuation around 'However' in the introduction is flawed. Improving the variety and precision of your linking words will help the flow of your writing feel more natural and sophisticated.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'detrimental', 'analytical skills', and 'developmental years'. However, there is some repetition of basic vocabulary, such as the word 'stress', which appears four times in the third paragraph alone. There are also minor issues with word choice, such as 'effortlessly' in the context of feeling a sense of accomplishment, which does not quite fit the intended meaning. To improve, focus on using synonyms and more precise collocations to avoid repetitive phrasing and to enhance the academic tone of your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While you attempt complex sentences, some are prone to errors, such as the run-on sentence in the second paragraph: '...as a result of which they do not feel satisfied; even though they try as hard as they can still feel overwhelmed...'. There are also issues with punctuation, specifically the incorrect use of a semicolon after 'drawbacks' and the capitalization of 'However' following a semicolon. While these errors do not impede overall communication, they occur frequently enough to prevent a higher score. Focus on sentence boundary control and proper punctuation usage.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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