Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays I these is huge development in schools. Some individuals are argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. I will strongly agree that I will discuss in coming paragraph.

Commencing with some reasons. Firstly it matter made in back of student to learn it. In primary schools too are too much on formal learning because teachers are should think students when students learn from primary schools they will be good to study for rate.

First factor is base on four future and secondly education is most important factors. Elaborately it helps in future for people to get job and any work they do is well do with education who student learn from school that now to easy for future.

On the other hand there are many sports that sport the balance between learn and play in children daily is important and plays in work. Supply it that and explains it this are equal for future that to get jobs and work with doing light is real this is important.

Apart from this sports is also important for is health sport is give best.Health in sports is also main a children. And in youth will be needed to children help to make best athlete and they get healthy. In childhood they plays is best for us.

Certainly I think it is important for children to play as well as learn in the primary school class.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.5

The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words, which significantly impacts the development of ideas. While you address both parts of the prompt—the focus on formal learning and the importance of play—the arguments are underdeveloped and often unclear. For instance, the explanation of why formal learning is important is repetitive and lacks logical depth. The position is stated in the introduction, but the supporting points are fragmented and lack specific examples or coherent reasoning. To improve, you must expand your ideas with clear, logical explanations and ensure you meet the minimum length requirement to allow for full task development.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The essay lacks a clear logical progression. While you use some transition words like 'Firstly' and 'On the other hand', they are often used incorrectly or do not effectively connect the ideas. Paragraphing is present, but the internal structure of the paragraphs is weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Referencing is often unclear, such as in the phrase 'Supply it that and explains it this', which obscures the intended meaning. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices more accurately and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The vocabulary is limited and often repetitive, which restricts your ability to convey complex ideas. There are frequent errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'it matter made in back of student' and 'sport the balance'. Many sentences are difficult to interpret due to these lexical inaccuracies. You rely on basic vocabulary and struggle to express your thoughts with precision. To improve, try to learn common collocations and expand your range of academic vocabulary, ensuring you use words in their correct context rather than relying on direct translations or fragmented phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that often impede communication. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement ('Some individuals are argue'), sentence structure, and word order. The use of complex structures is attempted but is almost always inaccurate, leading to confusion. Basic punctuation and sentence boundaries are also inconsistent. To improve, focus on mastering simple sentence structures first, ensuring correct subject-verb agreement and tense usage. Once you have a solid foundation, gradually introduce more complex structures while paying close attention to grammatical accuracy.

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