Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

in my opinion i think that children should combine between playing and learning especially on the primry classrom because like we know the capacity of a children to be genius of very focused in the future about courses and lessons depends on how they treat him as a children so if we want a good learned generation we should plant the ideas of that they should learn since they are children at least knowing just the basics while they also have the right to play because at the final they are younger children that's why . For example me , i'm a morrocan citizen our second language is french , but when i was young i always had to watch the english films and series on tv the thing that helped me a lot, when i grow up i found myself that i already have a good level of english that's a really good example for my idea

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0

The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words, reaching only 158 words. This significantly impacts the development of ideas. While you attempt to address both parts of the prompt—the focus on formal learning and the importance of play—the arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth. The response reads more like a brief opinion piece than an academic essay. To improve, you must expand your points with more detailed explanations and provide a structured introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The current length prevents a full exploration of the topic, resulting in a low score for task achievement.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.5

The essay lacks clear paragraphing, consisting of only one long block of text. This makes the progression of ideas difficult to follow. There is a lack of cohesive devices; the text relies on repetitive structures like 'that's why' and 'for example'. The flow is disjointed, and the lack of logical transitions between the initial opinion and the personal example hinders the overall coherence. To improve, you should organize your response into distinct paragraphs (introduction, body, conclusion) and use a wider variety of linking words such as 'furthermore', 'consequently', or 'in contrast' to connect your ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The vocabulary is quite limited and repetitive. You use basic terms like 'good', 'young', and 'learn' repeatedly. There are also errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'combine between playing' (should be 'combine playing and learning') and 'at the final' (should be 'ultimately' or 'in the end'). The vocabulary is insufficient to express complex ideas clearly. To improve, you should focus on learning topic-specific vocabulary related to education and child development, and practice using synonyms to avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The response contains frequent grammatical errors that often impede clarity. There are issues with sentence structure, such as run-on sentences and comma splices (e.g., 'For example me , i'm a morrocan citizen...'). Subject-verb agreement and article usage are inconsistent, such as 'a children' (should be 'a child' or 'children') and 'the primry classrom'. Punctuation is also problematic, with spaces missing before commas. The range of structures is very limited, consisting mostly of simple or poorly connected clauses. You need to focus on basic sentence construction and proofreading for common errors.

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