Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is often argued that primary schools place excessive emphasis on formal academic learning. I agree with this opinin to a large extent, as children need sufficient oppurtunities for play and recreational activities alongside their studies to support their overall development.

The main purpose of implementing stricter academic learning is the increased competition among students. Parents and teachers expect higher academic achievements from their young ones only in traditional subjects of formal education. This means forcing schools to ensure mandatory formal education to each pupil. For instance, in many schools, compromised lessons of physical education, art and craft, artificial intelligence, dance and even music in traditional education system have become very common in recent years. However, this narrows the horizons available for consideration of different paths. This means it allows students to develop their interest only into the few limited academic subjects.

In contrast, the main benefit of play is improvement in the physicial health. This means that a learner can ensure healthy and fir life. By enjoying a life free of lifestle disease such as obesity and hypertension, caused by sedentary lifestyles of formal education system. While schools should provide students with a wide array of opportunity to learn skills that can help acheive a brighter future ahead. By encouraging students to participate more into recreational activities that shape thier overall personality. For example, young minds could learn the values of teamwork and real-life facts by working together in a school project.

In conclusion, although it is true that traditional formal educations aims to secure stronger qualifications for career prospects, play is generally considered to be more significant in overall development of pupils.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt, expressing a clear position on formal learning and discussing the importance of play in primary schools. However, some ideas are more fully developed than others, which is characteristic of this level. For instance, the discussion on the causes of competition and the reduction of subjects like art and music is relevant, but the body paragraphs contain some under-developed and slightly repetitive points. The explanation of physical health benefits in the third paragraph shifts abruptly into fragmented thoughts and relies on vague generalisations. To reach a higher standard, the writer needs to extend supporting arguments more thoroughly and maintain a consistent focus throughout each paragraph.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay presents a coherent overall arrangement with a clear introduction and conclusion, and logical division into paragraphs. Information and ideas flow reasonably well, allowing the reader to follow the writer's line of thought. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical or faulty. The use of transitional markers like 'This means' is overused to link sentences, creating a repetitive pattern that detracts from smooth progression. Furthermore, referencing is occasionally unclear, as seen in sentences starting abruptly without strong cohesive ties to the preceding statement. To improve, the writer should employ a wider and more natural variety of cohesive devices and ensure that paragraph transitions guide the reader seamlessly from one point to the next.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

The writer demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, successfully communicating central ideas about education and childhood development. There are notable attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as 'sedentary lifestyles,' 'mandatory formal education,' and 'recreational activities.' However, vocabulary control is inconsistent, and there are several spelling and word-choice errors that reflect this level. Examples include 'opminin' instead of 'opinion', 'oppurtunities' instead of 'opportunities', 'physicial' instead of 'physical', 'fir life' instead of 'fit life', and 'lifestle' instead of 'lifestyle'. While these errors do not seriously impede communication, they highlight the need for greater precision in both spelling and lexical collocation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The response exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting ambitious structures such as concessive clauses and relative clauses. There are some control and accuracy issues, including punctuation slips and minor structural errors, but these rarely impede communication. Examples of grammatical lapses include sentence fragments and awkward phrasing such as 'This means forcing schools to ensure mandatory formal education to each pupil' and 'While schools should provide students with a wide array of opportunity,' where pluralisation and verb patterns are mishandled. To move up to the next band, the writer should increase the proportion of error-free complex sentences and ensure better management of subject-verb agreement and article usage.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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