Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-04

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

The emphasis on formal learning in primary schools when compared to extra curricular activities is a matter of significant debate today. I believe extra focus on traditional learning may hamper the learning ability of students in the future and equal attention should be paid to fun activities in primary school.

With the increase in the use of technology, young students today spend a lot of time on useless activities on digital gadgets. This has reduced their attention spans and willingness to learn. Students are also lacking behind in their homework as they spend extended hours on screens. Due to these issues teachers have had to change their methods to provide an extra focus on formal learning to cover up the students shortcomings. For example, as students take longer to comprehend, teachers have had to spend more time on teaching rather than allowing them to do any other activities. While it is absolutely necessary to keep the children's learning on track, it is possible to remediate this issue by co-ordianting with parents and limiting the screen time of students. Also homework completion should be enforced by teachers and penalty's be handed out in case of non compliance.

It is widely believed that too much of any activity maybe harmful for individuals. In the same way extended formal learning will put an extra burden on the young minds. It can also lead to putting a mental toll on their minds leading to depression. Once the intake limit is reached for a student, no matter what, anything else taught to them will go over their head. Teachers must take this in consideration and provide an ample amount of time for students to play. Teachers must also find some new methods to teach students, methods in which students can interact and find it fun to learn in less time. For example, some schools are using gameified methods to teach. Furthermore allowing students to play will also let them nurture physically. With most students remaining inside at home, it is important to go outdoors during school hours.

In conclusion, while extended formal learning may be necessary for school going children to remain on track, teachers must adapt their teaching methods to deliver efficient lectures and allow ample time to play. This way students can learn more and remain physically active.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

The response addresses all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout. The writer explores the debate surrounding formal learning and play in primary schools, offering extended and supported ideas. For instance, the discussion on digital gadgets and attention spans directly supports the argument regarding why formal learning has increased, while the subsequent paragraph explores the mental toll of excessive formal learning and the benefits of outdoor play. However, there is a slight tendency to over-generalise in certain sections, such as linking extended formal learning directly to depression. To reach a higher band, the ideas would need to be more fully and rigorously developed without relying on broad assertions, ensuring all arguments are tightly anchored to the core question of whether primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay presents a clear overall arrangement and logical progression throughout, effectively meeting the requirements of the lower band while showing glimpses of the next. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct sub-topic ranging from screen time issues to mental toll and physical benefits. Cohesive devices are employed to connect ideas, such as 'For example', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion'. However, cohesion can sometimes feel slightly mechanical, and referencing is not always completely smooth, as seen in the transition between the discussion on homework and the remediation steps in the second paragraph. To achieve a higher level, the writer needs to ensure that cohesive ties are managed with greater subtlety and flexibility, allowing ideas to flow seamlessly from one sentence to the next without any abrupt shifts.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, successfully conveying the writer's arguments regarding education and child development. The student attempts less common vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation, using terms such as 'extra curricular activities', 'comprehend', and 'gameified methods'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, such as 'lacking behind' instead of 'lagging behind', 'co-ordianting' instead of 'coordinating', and 'penalty's' instead of 'penalties'. These occasional errors do not impede communication, but they prevent the essay from reaching a higher band. To improve, the writer should focus on mastering exact collocations and refining spelling and word forms to demonstrate a wider, more precise range of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.5

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilising structures such as conditional and subordinate clauses appropriately. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, including missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., 'With the increase in the use of technology...') and minor errors in agreement or preposition usage. Nonetheless, these errors rarely impede communication and do not obscure the meaning of the text. To move up to the next band, the writer must incorporate a greater variety of complex structures with higher accuracy, producing a higher frequency of completely error-free sentences while maintaining excellent control over punctuation.

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