Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In recent year, there has been an ongoing debate about whether many individual argue that higher school must concentrate on learn formal learning. I fully agree with this statements. this essay will explore why i hold this view, with valid reason along with appropriate examples in the following paragraph.

To begin with, one primary reason that support my view is that for standard schooling is best way to achieve your goal. this is because formal learning should be provided much knowledge about theory as well as practical skill. which assist to your entire job placement. for instance, in japan primary school focus on school base learning because this beneficial for understanding to harder subject.

furthermore, perhaps the strongest argument favour of academic education is learn in school. this is because students have learn step by step and achieve knowledge of entire subject. for example, in my nation many primary school focus on formal learning and this is more helpful to focus in individual subject and understand all theory skill.

admittedly, some opponents of this view argue that school should learn to only theory skill this is not essential for practical skill because many company has attained practical skill employees.

In conclusion, although primary school should focus on formal learning, i firmly believe that this is essential part of understanding all subject step by step. this is mainly because not only school learning is helpful for improve skill in individual subject, but also is assist to improve your skill in individual subject.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear position—“I fully agree”—and give reasons related to formal learning, including knowledge of theory and understanding subjects step by step. However, the response addresses the task only minimally because it does not explain whether primary schools focus too much on formal learning, and it gives almost no consideration to the second question: the importance of play alongside learning. The brief opposing point about practical skills is unclear and does not develop the role of classroom play. Examples about Japan and your country are asserted rather than explained, so their relevance is difficult to assess. To strengthen the response, answer both questions directly, explain how play supports children’s learning or development, and extend each reason with a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a recognisable essay shape, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, an opposing point and a conclusion. Connectors such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “In conclusion” help signal these stages. However, progression within paragraphs is often difficult to follow: several sentences repeat the claim that formal learning helps students understand subjects without adding a distinct supporting point. The opposing view is introduced with “Admittedly,” but its connection to the main argument and to play is not made clear. Some sentence fragments, such as “which assist to your entire job placement,” also interrupt the flow. Organise each paragraph around one clear idea, then explain and illustrate it; use references and linking phrases to show how each point relates to the question.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some task-related vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “practical skill,” “theory,” and “individual subject,” and phrases such as “ongoing debate” show an attempt to use a more academic register. However, the range is basic and repetitive, with “formal learning,” “skill,” and “subject” recurring without much variation. Several word choices or combinations are unclear, for example “higher school,” “school base learning,” and “focus in individual subject,” which make the intended meaning harder to understand. There are also word-form and spelling issues, such as “reason” where a plural is needed and “favour” used in an incomplete phrase. Build a more precise vocabulary for the topic, especially words for play and child development, and check collocations in context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences with clauses, for example “This is because…” and “although primary school should focus on formal learning…”. However, sentence structures are limited and many attempts at longer sentences are incomplete or inaccurately formed. Examples include “which assist to your entire job placement,” “formal learning should be provided much knowledge,” and “students have learn step by step.” Subject–verb agreement, verb forms, articles and sentence boundaries also need attention; for instance, “many company has” and the repeated lower-case starts after full stops reduce accuracy. Practise building complete sentences with a clear subject and verb, and check agreement and verb forms before adding subordinate clauses. More accurate control of these basics will make your ideas easier to follow.

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