Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

I strongly beleieve that the primary schools focus too much on formal lerning. In my opinion the play is very imortatant for children health and refresh our mind.

On the one hand, the primary school comsist in 5 clases especially in pakistan. first of all, the environment of primary school is not good. for instance, the water are very dirty and the sitting of childrens in school is bad the condition of furniture is not good. But, the teachers of primary school are hard worked. they are cover the syllabus is very good quality. I think the students learn the lesson very easily and quickly for sometime break during the study. the books of primary school is easy to related private school. the study in private school is very hard. For example, the syllabus cannot coverd properly for exam and the result is failed. In additionally, the students feel very stresed ful about study.

On the other hand, they are many benefits in game for learning new things. For instance, they are easily solve the question in math to play counting. I think, the students like playing cricket. they are helps to relax and keeps to active students. Creativity is help to gain the knowledge and experience of students. I beleived that the primary school is very helped for poor people. Beacause they gave the educatioion for our childrens.

In conclusion, In my opinon the 50% education and 50% play. the children spent more time to play. beacause the mind is very actived for play new gaems.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a clear general view that formal learning is overemphasised and that play matters, and you include relevant examples such as learning counting through games and playing cricket. However, the response only partially develops the task. Much of the first body paragraph discusses school conditions, private-school syllabuses, and exam results rather than explaining how much formal learning is excessive or how classroom play should be balanced with learning. The conclusion’s “50% education and 50% play” states a position, but the reasons for this precise balance are not explained. To strengthen the response, address both questions directly throughout and develop each main point with a clear explanation of how it benefits children.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic essay shape, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. These markers help readers identify the broad sections. However, progression within paragraphs is difficult to follow: the first body paragraph moves from water and furniture to teachers, syllabus coverage, private schools, and stress without showing how these points connect to the question. Linking phrases such as “first of all,” “for instance,” and “in additionally” are sometimes mechanical or unclear, and references such as “they” do not always identify who is meant. Group related ideas and use clearer links that explain cause, contrast, or example, rather than relying mainly on stock transitions.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a small range of topic-related vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “syllabus,” “creativity,” “knowledge,” and “experience,” and some examples make your meaning understandable. However, vocabulary is limited and often repetitive, while inaccurate word forms, spelling, and collocations sometimes make the message difficult to interpret. Examples include “hard worked,” “stresed ful,” “actived,” and “the sitting of childrens.” Phrases such as “they are many benefits in game” and “helps to relax and keeps to active students” are not natural English. Build a bank of accurate expressions for learning and play, and check spelling and word forms. More precise vocabulary would also help distinguish classroom activities from general school conditions.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both short statements and longer sentences, and the reader can usually identify the broad point. However, the range of sentence structures is limited, and errors occur frequently in basic sentence formation, verb forms, agreement, articles, and punctuation. For example, “the primary school comsist in 5 clases” has an incorrect verb pattern, while “the water are very dirty” shows an agreement error. In “they are cover the syllabus,” the verb construction is faulty, and several sentences run together without clear punctuation. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then join related ideas with correctly formed clauses. Check subject–verb agreement and verb patterns when editing each sentence.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.