Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 7.0)

The curriculum of primary schools is a matter of considerable public interest, prompting widespread debate regarding its effects on young individuals. It is argued that schools place a lot of emphasis on formal education. I largely agree with this view and believe that playing and outdoor activities are equally important for the development of young children.

I firmly agree with this sentiment that primary schools give a lot of importance to formal education. It puts young minds through a significant amount of stress; they start worrying about grades and academic performance from a very young age. This worry kills creativity in children; the time and energy that should be spent on pursuing their hobbies, is consumed by academic stress. Because of this children fall prey to burnout from a very young age.

To excel, it is crucial for children to play and enjoy as much as they study in schools. Playing with other kids and participating in various activities aid children in developing hand-eye co-ordination. They learn teamwork and develop problem-solving capabilities. These activities are also significantly important for the mental and physical well-being of children. When only formal education is given, it is substantially hard for kids to find motivation for going to school; fun activities or game periods are something they look forward to. Many developed countries like China have started teaching children everyday skills in primary schools rather than following the conventional academic curriculum.

In conclusion, while some formal education is necessary, schools should not be about academics only. Integrating other activities with formal education is crucial for the physical and mental development of kids.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear from the introduction: you largely agree that formal learning receives too much emphasis, and you address the importance of play by discussing social, cognitive, and physical benefits. The points about teamwork, problem-solving, coordination, and wellbeing are relevant and give the response a sound basis. However, some claims are broad rather than fully supported—for example, that academic pressure “kills creativity” and causes burnout, without a specific illustration or explanation of how this happens. The reference to China is also brief and not clearly connected to evidence about the value of classroom play. Develop one or two examples more fully and explain how schools can balance learning with play.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for your agreement and the benefits of play, and a conclusion that restates your position. Ideas generally progress logically, and links such as “Because of this” and “In conclusion” help guide the reader. To make the organisation more flexible and cohesive, strengthen the connections between related points within paragraphs. For instance, the shift from children’s wellbeing to motivation and then to the example of China feels somewhat abrupt. The repeated use of “formal education” and “activities” also makes some links feel less varied. Use clearer transitions to show how each example supports the main claim, and make references such as “these activities” more specific where needed.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.5

You use a reasonably varied vocabulary suited to the topic, including “considerable public interest,” “academic performance,” “problem-solving capabilities,” and “mental and physical well-being.” These choices help express your ideas clearly, and the meaning remains easy to follow. Some less common expressions are not fully natural or precise, however. “Kills creativity” is forceful and informal for an academic argument, while “substantially hard” is an awkward collocation. “To excel” is also vague in the sentence about the need to play. Aim for more precise, measured phrasing and check how modifiers combine with adjectives. Greater variety in terms for play and learning would also reduce repetition.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 7.0

You demonstrate a good range of sentence forms, including complex structures such as “When only formal education is given, it is substantially hard for kids to find motivation for going to school” and the contrast in your conclusion. Many sentences are accurate and punctuation generally supports readability. A few grammatical slips remain. In “the time and energy that should be spent on pursuing their hobbies, is consumed,” the comma incorrectly separates the subject from its verb; remove it. “Because of this children…” also needs a comma after the introductory phrase. In “I firmly agree with this sentiment that…,” the clause construction is awkward; “I firmly agree that…” is more controlled. Proofreading these details would improve consistency while preserving your complex sentence range.

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