Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

'Schools are the temples of learning'. In conventional epoch, there was not much development in academics in world. In modern era, development in education sector is esclating by leaps and bounds. It has been put forward that concentration of primary schools drift toward excessive academic and formal learning. I agree with this stance and i shall discuss reason behind this in upcoming paragraphs.

The predominant reason why primary schools are more focused on too much formal learning is that because it will assist leaners to cope with cut-throat competition in academic era. For instance, numerous primary schools are focusing on only academic learning due to high competition in society and only focusing on academic will consequences in excellent results of students in study which will lead students to ahead in studies and it would disclose several opportunity to them for further education. Moreover, it would help them to get job offers in adult life. A good illustration of that is students become sharp in primary schools while focusing only on academic will lead to pursue degree in good university with flying colours. Therefore, they will get better job opportunity in big firms and high salary companies and this will support them in their adult life.

Moving ahead, there are many reason why it is significant for children to play while also focusing in studies in primary school. The first and foremost is that it will develop their health in both mentally and physical way. To examplify this, it is really paramount for pupils to play in sports in primary school or participate in exercises happening in school as it is also a better way for children to sharp their mind and become energetic. Secondly, playing sports in school help to catch hidden talent of a child which will help in building their sports career as few learners are very good at some sports and can achieve many target or objective in life such as medals or sports event.

To conclude it, from the aforementioned statement it can be concluded that children playing in primary schools are as crucial as studying as its builds proper health and helps to find hidden talent.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you agree that primary schools place too much emphasis on formal learning, and you also explain why play matters. The discussion of academic pressure gives relevant consequences, including preparation for further study and adult employment. The second main point identifies physical and mental health, energy, and the discovery of sporting ability. However, the two parts are not developed equally: the first paragraph largely explains why schools prioritise academics rather than examining the effects of excessive formal learning on young children. The benefits of play are also asserted more than explained. To strengthen the response, directly assess whether academic focus is excessive and support each main idea with a specific, clearly explained example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing the main themes, and a concluding summary. Sequencing phrases such as “Moreover,” “Moving ahead,” and “To conclude” help signal progression. However, some linking is mechanical, and the first body paragraph repeats the idea that academic focus leads to better results, university opportunities, and jobs without clearly separating these points. Some references are also unclear, as in “it would disclose several opportunity to them,” where the reader must infer what “it” refers to. The conclusion restates the importance of play but does not fully bring together the argument about excessive formal learning. Use clearer topic sentences and connect each example explicitly to its main claim.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “cut-throat competition,” “hidden talent,” “adult life,” and “formal learning,” which helps communicate the subject. However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “conventional epoch,” “development in education sector is esclating,” “sharp their mind,” and “catch hidden talent.” Spelling errors, including “esclating” and “examplify,” also reduce accuracy. Repetition of “academic,” “students,” and “help” limits flexibility. Aim for natural, precise combinations rather than more elaborate-sounding phrases; for example, describe schools as “placing excessive emphasis on academic study” and say that play can “develop children’s physical and mental well-being.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use both simple statements and longer sentences with subordinate clauses, for example, “The first and foremost is that it will develop their health…” and the sentence beginning “For instance, numerous primary schools…”. This shows an attempt at varied sentence forms, and the overall meaning is generally understandable. However, some complex sentences are difficult to follow because clauses are joined awkwardly, particularly the long sentence about academic learning leading to results and opportunities. There are also errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and sentence construction, such as “there are many reason,” “playing sports in school help,” and “children playing in primary schools are as crucial as studying.” Review subject–verb agreement and build longer sentences around one clear main clause, checking punctuation and grammatical links.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.