Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, there is a growing debats about whethers that primary schools focus to much on formal learning, In my opinion, i disagree with this idea, i believe that children was important to play as well as learn in the primary school.

Fisrtly, One major reason is that motivated for going well to school, that is because the children have be a fun they learn, in modern teaching, teatche the youngstars as well they would require children has playing as well, that's better way for learning quickly also promote the corsses on minded of them, for example learning children across games like dolls, As a result have playing well to learn as well.

Secodly, another important point is that loved school, that is because makig the best moment in schools, have enough fun and the same time learning very well, the brain of children is so small and thinking just about play and how have a funning, for instance

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a position—“I disagree”—and recognise that children should both play and learn, so the response is relevant to the question. However, the discussion only minimally explains whether primary schools focus too much on formal learning, and the importance of classroom play is asserted rather than clearly argued. Points about motivation and enjoying school are introduced, but examples such as “learning children across games like dolls” are unclear and not developed. The second body paragraph ends with “for instance,” leaving its example unfinished. The response also contains 148 words, below the required 250; the 10 words copied from the prompt are excluded from that count. Develop each reason with a clear explanation and a specific, complete example, and address both questions directly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic overall shape: an opening position followed by two paragraphs introduced with “Firstly” and “Secondly.” These markers help signal that you are giving reasons. However, the ideas within the paragraphs are difficult to follow because several points are joined without clear relationships, as in “that is because the children have be a fun they learn.” The second paragraph stops at “for instance,” so the progression is incomplete. Some linking phrases, including “As a result,” do not lead to a clearly expressed conclusion. To improve, give each paragraph one main idea, explain it in a logical sequence, and use linking expressions only where the connection between sentences is clear. Finish the example and add a concluding paragraph that restates your position.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “formal learning,” “motivated,” “modern teaching,” and “promote,” and you try to discuss learning through games. However, the range is basic and meaning is often obscured by inaccurate word forms, spelling, or collocations. For example, “growing debats,” “teatche the youngstars,” and “a funning” make parts of the argument hard to understand. “Promote the corsses on minded” is also unclear, so the reader cannot identify the intended benefit. Build a reliable set of topic phrases and check spelling and natural combinations before using them. Prefer precise expressions such as “learn through play” and “develop social skills,” then use them in complete, relevant explanations.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to connect ideas using clauses and phrases such as “that is because” and “for example,” but sentence structures are very limited and frequent errors make meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “I believe that children was important to play,” where the subject and verb pattern is incorrect, and “the children have be a fun they learn,” which lacks a workable clause structure. Capitalisation and punctuation are also inconsistent: “i” is not capitalised, and the opening sentence joins several statements with commas. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with controlled clauses using “because,” “when,” or “so.” Check subject–verb agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence boundaries during revision.

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