Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

There is no shadow of doubt that people often argue about the learning pattern in primary school, they believe this need to be more focused on formal learning. I personally do not agree with this statement, because children need to more involved into physical activity rather than sitting in classroom, specially in there growing age. No doubt they to be focused on studies but priority must be given to the physical movement.

To begin with, in this modern era where playground almost feels like a hunted area due to absence of childrens, nowdays teacher are more focusing on bookish knowledge that is why many of student are suffering from coditions like farsightedness. However, rather than only focusing on studies sport activites needed to add in daily routine. For instance, 3 years ago Goverment of China made strict rule regarding sport section, they rolled out 120/6 rule, where it is complusary to haev 120 minutes sport activity 6 days a week and this resulted the decrease in number of students with farsightedness conditions.

On the other hand, many of believe in the growing of students they must get addicated to study, which going to help them to strong mentally. For example, one recent study showed childrens who are more focused on study from there early age are more likely to mentally strong, more ever another study resulted childrens who active in sports from there primary school are more fit than other group.

In conclusion, being focused on formal learing from early age is not benifical for a childerns and there health, insted they need some sort of physical activity as they are still in there growing age.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you disagree that primary schools should prioritise formal learning, and you argue that physical activity matters for children’s health. You also address both learning and play, using the China sports rule and a comparison between academically focused and active children as support. This is relevant to the question, but the two sides are not developed equally. The discussion of exercise and eyesight has a specific example, while the claim that early study makes children “mentally strong” is only briefly stated and not explained. The response would be stronger if it directly explained how classroom play supports learning—for example, through cooperation, concentration or problem-solving—and clarified how much formal learning is still appropriate.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “To begin with,” “On the other hand” and “In conclusion” help identify the stages of the argument. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow. The first body paragraph moves from empty playgrounds to eyesight and then to a policy example without clearly explaining each link. In the second, “On the other hand” introduces a contrasting view, but the paragraph then gives two study claims without resolving the contrast. Some references, such as “this” and “they,” are not fully clear. Use topic sentences that state each paragraph’s main point, then connect evidence explicitly to that point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “formal learning,” “physical activity,” “playground” and “farsightedness,” so the main ideas can be understood. However, the range is limited and several inaccurate word choices or collocations make parts of the response awkward, such as “hunted area,” “bookish knowledge,” “addicated to study” and “strong mentally.” Spelling errors—including “childrens,” “nowdays,” “Goverment” and “benifical”—also reduce accuracy and sometimes slow the reader. Aim for precise, natural phrases and check spelling carefully. For example, describe a playground as “empty” rather than “hunted,” and use “develop mental strength” instead of “strong mentally.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including a reason clause with “because” and a relative clause beginning “where.” However, control is inconsistent, and errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles and verb forms sometimes make the meaning harder to follow. For example, “they believe this need to be more focused” lacks a clear grammatical subject and correct verb form, while “many of student are suffering” has an agreement and plural error. The opening sentence also joins two independent ideas with a comma. Practise building accurate sentences with one main clause and a clearly connected supporting clause, and check subject–verb agreement and articles before submitting.

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