Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

There are number of people who argue about primary schools are sharply invested in formal method of learning only and its a bitter truth of our education system. From my view, I truly believe that our education system lagged behind, it only focuses on students academic performance.

From my perspective I totally agree with this arguement on formal style of learning because this not only make students a book worm but also a robot. For instance, if an individual which is under the formal method of learning only reads what he's been taught, he wouldn't been able to cope with real world experiences therefore he will always lagged behind while others who not only gaining knowledge but also having practical experience will be more satisfied.

I truly believe that all the junior institutes should have a proper period for extra curricular activities which includes not only sports for children but also the spare time to counsel them about nurturing their personality. At this level of primary education the system should not focus only on childrens academic performance but also work on their personality development. The system should invest time on developing communication skills among childerns which will play significant role later in their life.

In addition to this, childrens at initial level of education should not be totally dived into the books but also there should be a proper time for physical activities. Which will not only improve their blood circulation but also it plays a significant role in shaping their personality. By taking part in sports will encourage childrens to learn and grow in a team.

In conclusion I would say that formal way of learning at initial stage of life is ideally perfect for childrens because this

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you agree that primary schools place too much emphasis on formal learning, and you address the importance of play through sports, physical activity, communication skills, and personality development. These are relevant responses to both parts of the question. However, some points are asserted rather than fully explained. For example, you say that practical experience makes students “more satisfied,” but do not clarify why or give a specific example. The benefits of play are more developed, particularly the idea that team sports help children learn to work with others, though this could also be illustrated with a concrete classroom example. The unfinished conclusion (“because this”) leaves your final position and reasoning incomplete. Develop the supporting explanations and finish with a clear summary.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, paragraphs about formal learning and activities, and an attempted conclusion. The ideas generally remain relevant, and transitions such as “For instance” and “In addition to this” help signal examples and additions. However, progression is sometimes repetitive: personality development and the need to look beyond academic performance recur without a clearly distinct point each time. Some connections are also awkward or unclear, such as “From my view, I truly believe that our education system lagged behind,” where the relationship between the general claim and your position could be made more direct. The final paragraph stops mid-sentence, disrupting the overall progression. Give each body paragraph a distinct main idea, connect its explanation explicitly, and complete the conclusion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of vocabulary, including “academic performance,” “practical experience,” “communication skills,” and “personality development.” These phrases help convey the main ideas, and expressions such as “book worm” and “robot” make your criticism vivid. However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, including “sharply invested,” “formal method of learning,” and “dive into the books.” Spelling and word-form errors such as “arguement,” “childerns,” and “childrens” also reduce precision. Some repetition of “formal,” “children,” and “personality” limits flexibility. Aim for more natural academic collocations and check spelling and possessive forms; for example, describe schools as placing “too much emphasis” on formal instruction.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including conditional reasoning (“if an individual… reads what he's been taught”) and clauses explaining the benefits of sport. This shows some range, but control is uneven, and errors sometimes make relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Examples include “There are number of people,” “this not only make students,” and “he wouldn't been able,” which involve article, agreement, and verb-form problems. The sentence beginning “Which will not only improve their blood circulation” is a fragment, while the conclusion is also incomplete. Punctuation around longer sentences and clauses needs attention. Practise checking subject–verb agreement, verb forms, and complete sentence boundaries, then revise complex sentences to ensure each clause is grammatically complete.

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