Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

It is often argued by some people that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. Although some might agree with this nation, i completely disagree because it is very necassary for the students to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom. Not only beacuse of thier learnings, but also beacuse of thier physical healths which is very important for the students in their early ages and also for thier mental healths. This essay will explore how these factors justify my opinion.

There are multiple examples of students leraning. Firstly we discuss about the playland which is available in the primary schools for the students, students learn more when they are mentally fresh and physically fit. Thus, it is proved that when students play and learn in the schools they feel very fresh and likes to come school.

Secondly, apart from learning in primary schools focus too much on formal learning is very old way of learning mostly this type of learning mainly found in the government schools of Pakistan.

Finally, i found that it is very important for the schools to obey the rules and not only rely on the formal learnings only.

To sum up, I believe that when students have time to play in the schools playground they have good mental health also thier physical heatlh is improved. So, thts the main reason why i belive playing is impotant during thier learning in the schools or in thier classrooms. People may disagree with my opinion. But i strongly agreed.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

Your position is clear: you disagree that formal learning should dominate and believe play is important for children’s physical and mental health. You also mention learning benefits, but the response only minimally develops the task. The example of a school “playland” is not explained in detail, and the claim about government schools in Pakistan being old-fashioned is unsupported and does not clearly answer how play should be balanced with classroom learning. The second question—how important play is in the classroom—needs a direct, developed answer with specific examples. The response is 227 words, so it is 23 words below the 250-word minimum; 28 words copied from the prompt were not counted. Add relevant explanation and examples rather than repeating your conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a recognisable introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion, and signposts such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “Finally” show an attempt to organise ideas. However, progression is difficult to follow because the body paragraphs do not build a clear argument: the “playland” point is followed by a broad claim about government schools, then a statement about obeying rules without explaining the connection. Some linking phrases are mechanical, and the conclusion repeats the health point rather than drawing together developed reasons. Organise the body around two clear reasons, explain each in sequence, and use linking expressions to show how the evidence supports your position. Make references such as “this type of learning” more precise.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some task-relevant vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “physical health,” “mental health,” and “playground,” so the main topic is generally understandable. However, the range is basic and several words or phrases are repeated, especially “important,” “students,” and “learning.” There are also frequent spelling and word-choice problems, such as “necassary,” “thier,” “leraning,” and “heatlh,” which reduce accuracy and make the writing less fluent. Some expressions are unnatural, including “students feel very fresh” and “likes to come school.” Build a more precise vocabulary for explaining educational benefits, and check spelling and collocations carefully. For example, describe children as feeling “refreshed” and say they are “motivated to attend school.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt a few different sentence forms, including the opening concession beginning “Although” and the concluding sentence beginning “So.” However, sentence structures are mostly simple or awkwardly joined, and errors occur frequently enough to affect clarity. Examples include “i completely disagree,” where the pronoun needs capitalisation, “students learn more … and likes to come school,” where the subject and verb do not agree and the sentence pattern is incomplete, and “when students have time to play … they have good mental health also,” where the clause connection is unclear. There are also problems with articles, plurals and sentence boundaries. Practise writing complete sentences with one clear main clause, then add subordinate clauses accurately; proofread agreement, articles and punctuation.

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