Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-14

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

The question of whether primary schools focus to much on formal language offer benefitis or drawbacks, has become relevant in contemporary society. While some contend that playing activities should not be ignored. As for as my concerned, from my perspectives extracurricular are very essential. This essay will examine both perspectives before reaching a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, there are compelling arguments in favour of focusing too much on formal language. The most notable benefit is that they significantly enhance quality of life by providing greater efficiency, accessibility, and opportunity. This is because they enable people to connect, work, and learn in ways that were previously impossible. For instance, according to recent serway of BBC news, most sudents get good marks who were focusing on only formal language. Moreover, such advancements stimulate economic growth and innovation by fostering creative solutions and successful ideas.Consequently, many view them as a catalyst for national and personal growth.

On the other hand, playing activities are very important for childrens. Fistly, mental and physical health of the students can be improved by giving the extracurricular enviroment. In this way childrens can get physical fitness which is very essential. For example, reseach has indicated that childrens were getting positions in the competition who were in study and sports exposure. Therefore, this side argue that without proper sport activities and formal learning the potential harms may outweigh the intended benefits.

In conclusion, while the debate presents valid arguments on both sides. It appears that the advantage of extracurricular activities and formal learning preveil, provided they are managed judiciously. Thus, a balanced approach for focusing on formal language and extracurricular activities is essential for maximize banifits while minimizing drawbacks for present and future generations.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address both questions by discussing formal learning and the value of play, and your conclusion supports a balance between them. However, the response only partially fulfils the task because your position is not consistently clear: the introduction says extracurricular activities are essential, while the first body paragraph appears to defend excessive formal learning without explaining why this is beneficial for primary pupils. Several points are broad or unclear, such as the claim that formal learning improves “quality of life” and the reference to students’ competition results. Develop reasons specifically about children’s classroom learning—for example, how play supports social skills, concentration, or understanding—and explain how much formal instruction you consider appropriate. This would make your argument more relevant and better supported.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help readers follow the broad organisation. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear, and some linking phrases feel mechanical or do not express a clear relationship. For example, “Consequently” follows a general claim about economic growth, but the connection to primary-school learning is not established. The opening also contains a sentence fragment beginning “While some contend…”. Make each paragraph develop one clear point, connect examples directly to that point, and use referencing that clearly identifies what “they” and “this side” refer to. This would make the overall progression more coherent.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “extracurricular activities,” “physical fitness,” and “balanced approach.” However, the range is limited by repeated general terms and noticeable errors in spelling, word form, and collocation, which sometimes make meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “formal language” where the task concerns formal learning, “serway” for “survey,” and “preveil” for “prevail.” Phrases such as “extracurricular environment” and “get positions in the competition” are also unnatural in context. Choose precise education-related expressions and check spelling and collocations carefully. For instance, you could describe play as supporting “social development” or say pupils “achieved success in competitions,” rather than relying on vague or inaccurate wording.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You use both simple sentences and some attempts at more complex structures, including “This is because…” and “provided they are managed judiciously.” However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences difficult to interpret. The opening has a sentence fragment: “While some contend that playing activities should not be ignored.” There are also problems with agreement and sentence construction in “most sudents get good marks who were focusing,” and the conclusion’s “essential for maximize” needs a grammatical form such as “essential for maximizing.” Plural and article patterns also need attention, as in “childrens” and “the potential harms.” Practise constructing complete sentences and checking subject–verb agreement, verb forms after prepositions, and punctuation.

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