Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-14

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 7.0)

Primay school years hold a huge significance in children's physical, mental, emotional and social development. It is argued that primary schooling should focus on formal learning, whereas others believe that its main focus should be on learning through play, which I completely agree with. Therefore, this essay will explore the significance of children learning through play in early years of schooling.

In my opinion, instead of teaching students through a formal teaching model, the learning should be promoted through structured-play and hands-on activities in early years. One of the main reasons is that in the first five years, brain is not fully developed to sustain focus and learn by sitting still on a table and a chair. On the contrary, at this stage, children learn more effectively when their whole bodies are involved, hence I believe in the advocacy of multisensory experience of learning.

In addition, play doesn't have to be unstructured. To promote learning through play, there are various structured ways through which the same learning goals can be achieved, all it requires is giving a creative opportunities to teachers to devise the plan. For instance, in a formal learning setup, a teacher gives a worksheet and asks the students to complete a tracing task, which is not quite engaging, compared to the playful activities, such as sand tracing, tracing in the air or on the textured surfaces, where a wholesome multisensorial experience activates various parts of the brain, resulting in improved memory and retention later. Therefore, learning through play in primary years is crucial for young learners.

In conclusion, in primary classrooms, learning should not be too formal, rather students should be encouraged to learn through structured play and activities, which will not only enhance their engagement but also improve their memory skills.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear: you support learning through play, particularly structured play, and you explain why it can suit young children’s development. The contrast between a worksheet and sand or textured-surface tracing gives a relevant, concrete example, and you connect it to engagement and memory. This addresses both the concern about formal learning and the importance of play. To make the response more fully developed, explain more explicitly how formal learning can still have a place, and qualify broad claims such as children’s brains not being developed enough to focus. The discussion is persuasive but concentrates mainly on one benefit and one example; adding another distinct reason or a more balanced comparison would extend the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The essay has a clear overall progression: an introduction states your view, two body paragraphs explain and illustrate it, and the conclusion restates the main point. Linking expressions such as “In addition,” “For instance,” and “Therefore” help readers follow the reasoning, while the example is placed appropriately after the general point about structured play. Some connections are less smooth because the introduction briefly presents opposing views, then moves quickly to your position without clarifying the contrast. The conclusion also repeats the central claim rather than drawing together the two main reasons. For stronger progression, make the relationship between formal instruction and play explicit, and use referencing or transitions that connect each example directly to the claim it supports.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.5

You use a reasonably varied vocabulary suited to the topic, including “structured-play,” “hands-on activities,” “multisensory experience,” and “memory and retention.” These choices help express your argument with some precision, and the example of tracing makes the discussion concrete. However, several less common expressions are not fully natural or accurate: “advocacy of multisensory experience,” “a creative opportunities,” and “wholesome multisensorial experience” sound awkward or imprecise. There is also a spelling error in “Primay.” To move beyond adequate range towards more flexible and precise use, favour established collocations and check word forms and spelling. For example, “multisensory learning” is more natural than “multisensorial experience” in this context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.5

You attempt a mix of sentence forms, including complex structures with “whereas,” “when,” and “which,” and most of the meaning remains clear. The long example sentence also shows an effort to explain cause and effect. However, some grammatical inaccuracies remain, which limits the consistency of control: “in the first five years, brain is not fully developed” needs an article or plural subject, and “giving a creative opportunities” has an article–number mismatch. In “instead of teaching students through a formal teaching model, the learning should be promoted,” the opening phrase does not clearly attach to the subject that follows. Review articles, agreement, and sentence construction, and consider splitting the long example sentence to make its relationships easier to control.

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