Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-14

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In recent years, the compitition in education increased exponentially and schools are focusing on to provide best results by removing extra-carricular activities. Therefore, many individuals feels that primary schools focus excessively on formal learning. I completely agree with this statement. In addition, it is very crucial for students to play along with learning in the primary school because play will helps the student to develop creativity and fitness.

On the one hand, the major of reason of primary education institutes overly rely on formal education make them ready for competition they face in education field. To elaborate, achieving best grades are the scale of how much a children is capable of doing something. As a result, schools want them to teach only those things which facilitates the pupil to score better in exams. For example, a study indicates that in india most of the primary government schools lacks the availibility of physical training instructor. Apart from this, schools are also ranked on how better grades of there student achieve in exam similar to children. For instance, if all students of a particular schools grab wonderfull grades in exam, that school will expect more new admissions, which generates the more profits. So, they focus more on formal studies.

On the other hand, i contend that playing in primary school classroom provide several benefits. The first and foremost one is it will develop creativity. To unfold it, it is creativity which is necessary to survive in future and that can not be achieved by learning course materials. When a student plays a game for example chess than he/she will not only develop a sense to built different strategies to win the game but also there coginitive abilities. Secondly, what is more important for child's health and fitness is play because they can not do specific exercises to stay fit. For example, a research shows that students who played daily fell ill less than the children who did not played.

In conclusion, despite primary schools are more focused on formal education so the students will get better grades in exam and eventually helps the owners to make more profit by grabing attention of new admissions, i restate that playing in primary school is as much as crucial for children as formal education because it develop creativity and keeps children healthy.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear from the introduction—“I completely agree”—and remains consistent in the conclusion. You address both parts of the prompt: why schools prioritise formal study and why play matters, supporting these points with examples about school rankings, chess, and children’s health. This gives the response a relevant, developed argument. However, some claims are broad or not fully explained: the link between exam results, school profits, and removing activities could be made more precise, and the health example is reported rather than connected in detail to classroom play. To strengthen the response further, explain how play can be incorporated alongside learning and develop the examples with clearer reasoning rather than relying on general claims or unnamed research.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting contrasting aspects of the argument, and a conclusion. The progression from schools’ emphasis on grades to the benefits of play is easy to follow, and signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help orient the reader. This meets the lower-band expectation of coherent overall arrangement. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical because several sentences begin with formulaic transitions, including “To elaborate,” “Apart from this,” and “For example.” Some links between ideas are also unclear, particularly the sentence comparing school rankings with children’s exam results. Use fewer stock connectors and make the relationship between each example and its main point explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use vocabulary relevant to education and child development, including “formal learning,” “competition,” “creativity,” “cognitive abilities,” and “physical training instructor.” These choices allow you to communicate the main argument, and there are attempts at more specific expressions. However, the range is limited by repeated general words such as “students,” “schools,” and “play,” while inaccurate word choice and collocation are noticeable. Examples include “the major of reason,” “grab wonderfull grades,” and “make more profit by grabing attention.” Spelling errors such as “compitition,” “availibility,” and “coginitive” also reduce control. Build a more reliable range of natural academic collocations and check spelling; precision matters more than using ambitious phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “because,” “which,” and “if,” and the overall meaning is generally recoverable. However, the range is limited, and complex sentences are often faulty. Agreement errors include “many individuals feels,” “grades are the scale,” and “schools … lacks”; verb-form errors include “play will helps” and “children who did not played.” Articles, plurals, and sentence construction also need attention, as in “a children” and “the major of reason.” These recurring errors sometimes make the reader pause to interpret the intended meaning. Practise building accurate sentences with one main clause and a subordinate clause, then check subject–verb agreement and verb forms before adding further complexity.

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