Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In My opnion that is right to say primary schools focus too much on formal learning Mostly in school who located in village

Well Mostly school are learning the formal study its depend upon the society and culture because in our society mostly people get addmision on him son in formal school and mostly the primary school doing this and children study depend upon in these year and that way student get to study formal. in our society mostly primary school are formal learning Well I Think the formal study is good for student study its a part of our society

Well games is mantaine our health that's way it want to be open in school because the games help you freash the children brain and its also impact the good of health i think games is vey good for studend heatlh If the games open in school level then studends make to improve in study and other sport progams I think the game have make happy us and its also impove our body mantanice . Games is part of nature I thnik we open that's good activites in school level

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You give a relevant position by agreeing that primary schools focus too much on formal learning, and you also explain why play matters, mentioning children’s health, happiness and ability to return to study refreshed. However, the response addresses the task only minimally: the reasons are brief and repeated, and there is no specific example to support them. The discussion of formal learning is also unclear, as you say it is both excessive and “good for student study” without explaining how you balance these views. The response contains 183 words, below the required 250; the eight words copied from the prompt are excluded from that count. Develop each part with a clear reason and a relevant example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic attempt to separate the discussion of formal learning from the benefits of games, so the reader can identify two main topics. However, ideas are not arranged coherently enough to form a clear progression. Repeated openings such as “Well” and repeated references to “mostly” make the response feel circular, while links between claims are often unclear—for example, the move from society’s preference for formal schooling to the claim that formal study is good is not explained. The final sentences repeat that games are beneficial rather than drawing the points together. Use clear paragraphs with one main point each, then connect each reason to an explanation or example.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a small set of relevant words, including “formal learning,” “health,” “brain,” and “study,” which lets the reader recognise the main subject. However, vocabulary is basic and repetitive, and several inaccurate word choices or spellings strain understanding. For example, “games is mantaine our health” and “freash the children brain” do not express the intended ideas naturally; “sport progams” and “body mantanice” are also difficult to interpret. Repeating “mostly,” “good,” and “games” limits precision. Build a wider set of topic vocabulary and check spelling and collocations, such as describing play as supporting children’s wellbeing, concentration, and physical development.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response mainly uses short, simple statements and attempts a few longer sentences with “because” and “if,” showing some effort to connect ideas. However, the range of structures is very limited, and frequent errors sometimes distort meaning. Examples include “primary schools focus too much” after the opening phrase, “school are learning,” “it depend upon,” and “the games help you freash the children brain.” These show problems with sentence construction, subject–verb agreement, articles, and possessives. Punctuation and capitalisation are also inconsistent, making sentence boundaries hard to follow. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then add controlled clauses—for example, “Play supports health because it gives children regular physical activity.”

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