Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Nowadays formal learning methods are largely dominating the traditional methods of learning in education systems. Certain parents raise issues that the primary schools are concentrating more on formal learning. I am personally in favour of parents, this assay will highlight the importance to strike a balance between playing and learning in classrooms of primary schools.

One of the main reasons to agree with the parents is, schools are reducing playground areas in order to educate more number of students. This reduces the outdoor activities and focous mainly on the indoors which shows that majority of their time is spend on studies which gives evidence for formal learning systems. Furthermore, strict rules to follow the syllabus schedule may restrict primary students to spend leisure time in their schools, so it increases burden on faculties, although they are friendly but this makes them become agrogant. For instance, students lesiure times or co curriculum periods are replaced by maths sir who just aims to complete in his syallabus.

However, maintaing a balance between playing and learning is substantially vital in education systems, teachers can make students learn many thing while they are playing, this will help them to rember the content for large time span. Moreover, playing makes children healthy by maintianing their fitness and mental health, for example, children who are involved in physical games are proven to outsand the other students in their performance as it develops thier memory capacity. which shows that it is crucial for us to make children play and learn at their primary levels in the school classrooms.

In conclusion,I highly agree with the opinion of increased focous on formal leaning in primary schools because of two key reasons such as , reduced playgrounds and relience on smart gadgets. Factors such as playfull learning and healthy eduaction reflects the significance of striking a balace between learning and playing. With sustainable practices both the branches can equally involve in eductaion system as a result children mental and physical heath can be maintained.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both parts of the question: you agree that formal learning receives too much emphasis and explain why play should remain part of primary education. The points about reduced playground space, pressure to complete the syllabus, learning through play, and children’s health are relevant. However, some support is unclear or not fully developed. For example, the claim that teachers become “agrogant” does not clearly explain how formal learning affects children, and the conclusion introduces reliance on smart gadgets without discussing it in the essay. Your position is also confusing in the conclusion: you say you agree with “increased focus” on formal learning, which conflicts with your earlier argument. State your view consistently and develop each example more clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two main paragraphs and a conclusion. The first body paragraph gives reasons for concern about formal learning, while the next explains benefits of play, so the overall progression is understandable. Linking expressions such as “Furthermore,” “However,” and “Moreover” help signal relationships between ideas. At times, though, connections are mechanical or unclear: the sentence beginning “which shows that” is detached from the preceding sentence, and the example about a maths teacher is difficult to follow. The conclusion also shifts to smart gadgets without preparation. Use clearer topic sentences, connect examples directly to the point they support, and ensure the conclusion summarises the same position established in the introduction.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “syllabus,” “outdoor activities,” “mental health,” and “memory capacity.” There are also attempts at more academic phrasing, such as “strike a balance” and “sustainable practices.” However, spelling errors and inaccurate word choices are noticeable and sometimes make the reader pause: examples include “focous,” “agrogant,” “lesiure,” “outsand,” and “eductaion.” Some combinations are also unnatural, such as “educate more number of students” and “for large time span.” Aim for accurate, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. Replacing vague or awkward phrases with precise expressions will make your argument clearer and more convincing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “although,” “which,” and “as,” and the main ideas are generally understandable. However, some sentence structures and punctuation are faulty. For example, “One of the main reasons to agree with the parents is, schools are reducing…” incorrectly joins the introductory phrase to a full clause, while “which shows that it is crucial…” begins as a sentence fragment. There are also errors in agreement and verb forms, as in “majority of their time is spend,” and punctuation problems where sentences run together. Practise separating complete sentences, using commas and conjunctions accurately, and checking subject–verb agreement and verb forms. More reliable control of these patterns would improve clarity.

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