Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-17

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Learning and studying are very important for any child. While this remains an universal fact, I agree with the opinion that primary schools focus too much on formal learning instead of focusing on every facet of development equally. It is really important for children to play as well for their overall development.

The aim of the primary schools should be to help a child develop and discover about his strengths and weaknesses. But unfortunately, the main aim has become more about getting good marks and therefore studying. Because of higher expectations and pressure put by parents on their children, primary schools also focus too much on formal learning. It should be the parents first who should understand about giving equal importance to learning as well as other extra-carricular activities. Schools nowadays treat children as horses who are taking part in some sort of a race. In focusing too much on learning, they forget their every child has its own race and the race that the children are running in, which is a metaphor to studying, is often not even theirs.

A country's overall achievements are determined by how schools distribute their focus on different facets of children development. For example, the USA and china have great records in technology, medical segments as well as in sports, olympics. It starts from the school, how they treat children in various activities whether they are academic or not. On the contrary, Indian schools are considered to be biased towards academics and therefore many children even if they want to take up sports or other professions end up as engineers and doctors. India's olympic record is also poor but now things seem to be changing in India as well. Playing incorporates discipline and sportsmanship in a child and hence It is not just beneficial for physical strength but also for mental strength.

While learning is very important for a child and therefore schools should focus on teaching well, they should not be biased towards it as it affects the overall development of a child. They should look to have a more balanced approach.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: you agree that primary schools give too much attention to formal learning, while play is important for children’s overall development. You address both parts of the question and support your view with relevant points about parental pressure, children’s individual strengths, and the physical and mental benefits of sport. The comparison between India and the USA and China also gives the discussion a concrete example. This meets the task well, with some elements showing the development expected at a stronger level. However, the national comparisons are broad and not fully explained, and the point about parents’ responsibility is less directly connected to what schools should do. Develop these ideas with specific classroom examples and clearer reasoning.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction states your view, the body paragraphs develop reasons and examples, and the conclusion restates the need for balance. Ideas generally progress logically, and linking phrases such as “For example” and “On the contrary” help signal relationships. However, cohesion is sometimes mechanical, particularly through repeated references to “learning” and “children,” and some connections are not fully clear. The long sentence beginning “In focusing too much on learning” contains several related ideas that would be easier to follow if divided and linked more precisely. The transition from parental pressure to national achievements also feels abrupt. Use clearer topic sentences and more varied referencing to make the progression smoother.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “overall development,” “formal learning,” “discipline,” and “sportsmanship.” These choices communicate your main ideas, and you attempt more specific expressions such as “facets of development.” Some word choices and collocations are inaccurate or awkward, however, including “discover about his strengths,” “higher expectations and pressure put by parents,” and “medical segments.” There are also spelling and capitalisation slips, such as “extra-carricular,” “china,” and “olympics.” These do not prevent understanding, but they limit precision and naturalness. Aim for more idiomatic academic phrasing and check spelling and proper nouns carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including subordinate clauses beginning “While” and “Because,” and the meaning is generally clear. Some sentences are controlled well, such as “Playing incorporates discipline and sportsmanship in a child.” There are nevertheless some grammatical errors in articles, agreement, and sentence construction. For example, “an universal fact” should use the appropriate article, and “they forget their every child has its own race” has an unclear and faulty structure. In “the parents first who should understand,” the sentence pattern is incomplete, while “It is not just beneficial … but also” needs consistent parallel construction. Review article use, clause structure, and punctuation, especially in longer sentences.

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