Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Growing number of people argue that primary schools focus on formal while some disagree ,in this essay i am going to talk about the important of playing in school and why i favour it.

Learning is not easy as we think,with children we have to understand their brains are not like adults for them to become focus on what their garden is going to say should be tackle with smartness,but organising games relating to the course?For instance teaching childrean have to be with distraction palying in the classroom they can watch tv anime with the language and all,they are not really conscious of what they do so most the time they play.

futhermore,children don't only play in school sometimes their focus on what the teacher by reciting,singing in class while the distraction is part,the seriousness is also involve,the read small like the seven days of the week or more than that just to make them busy.

As far as i am concerned,it is not a bad idea to play in class with children before their still small and for them to enjoy the course it has to be playful by the same the seriousness in involve so i agree that they are focus too much on formal learning.

In conclusion,a child remains a child for him to understand is difficult as they grow up they will start reducing the rate of playing which will help them.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear general preference for play, saying that children should enjoy learning and that you agree schools focus too much on formal learning. You also mention potentially relevant examples, such as singing, reciting and using games connected to lessons. However, the response only minimally develops the two questions: it does not explain clearly how much formal learning is excessive, or give a developed account of why classroom play matters. Several points are difficult to interpret, including the reference to watching anime, so the support does not consistently clarify your position. The response is 14 words below the required minimum, which further limits the space available to explain and support your ideas. Develop each part of the prompt with a clear reason and a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic essay shape, with an opening, supporting paragraphs and a conclusion, and expressions such as “Furthermore” and “In conclusion” signal movement between sections. However, the ideas are not arranged in a consistently clear progression. The first body paragraph combines children’s attention, games and watching anime without showing how these points connect; the next paragraph shifts to reciting and singing without a clear link to the previous argument. Some sentences are hard to follow, which weakens the overall flow, and the conclusion introduces the idea that play decreases as children grow without clearly summarising the reasons given. Use one main point per paragraph, explain its connection to your position, and use linking phrases only where the relationship between ideas is clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

Your vocabulary is basic but includes some relevant terms, such as “formal learning,” “classroom,” “reciting” and “seriousness.” These help establish the topic, but the range is limited and several inaccurate or unclear word choices make the argument difficult to understand. For example, “what their garden is going to say” does not communicate a clear idea, while “the seriousness is also involve” appears to mean that structured learning remains important. There are also spelling errors such as “futhermore,” “childrean” and “palying,” alongside awkward combinations such as “enjoy the course.” Build a more precise set of words for classroom activities and learning outcomes, and check spelling and collocations so readers can understand your examples without guessing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including a contrast in “they are focus too much on formal learning” and a concluding sentence beginning “as they grow up.” However, control is inconsistent, and frequent errors sometimes obscure meaning. Examples include “for them to become focus,” “their focus on what the teacher,” and “the seriousness is also involve,” where verb forms or sentence construction are faulty. Sentence boundaries and punctuation also need attention: the opening runs several ideas together, and commas are often followed by no space or used where a full stop would make the meaning clearer. Practise building complete sentences with a clear subject and verb, then check agreement, verb forms and punctuation before adding longer clauses.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.