Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Few people argue that formal education is stressed heavily in primary schools. I strongly agree with this because the curriculum believes education paves stronger path for career. However, it is absolutely necessary to give equal importance to sports as it is given for learning since it benefits children with physical and mental development.

First, I believe that the curriculum designed by primary institutions mainly focus on education rather than arts and sports. The reason behind this is that education has created more success in people's careers than who chose arts and sports. This is due to the fact that only a small portion of the people who choose arts and sports are successful. However, if the curriculum had focused more on arts and sports right from their primary education, there would have been a significant success for the same. For instance, in today's scenario, primary schools allocate about 80% of the periods for studies and only 20% of them are given for physical education.

Futhermore, it is vital for children to participate in sports. The primary reason is it has a massive impact on the physical and mental development of children. Physical education allows their body to develop muscles and stronger bones. Additionally, children get exposed to outdoor conditions which in turn improves their immune system. It also supports their mental health by keeping them active, thus enabling them to focus more on their studies and to perform well in their examinations. For example, it is seen that students who take up atleast one sport right from their childhood, performed better in education than the ones who do not.

In conclusion, I largely agree that primary institutions give importance to formal learning because they believe education builds stronger career. However, it is very important for children to play as it benefits them both in their physical and mental development.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: you agree that formal learning receives too much emphasis, while also arguing that play and sport deserve equal importance. You address both questions and support the benefits of physical activity with examples, including the allocation of school periods and the effects on children’s health and concentration. This meets the task well. However, some reasoning is less fully developed: the claim that education leads to more career success than arts or sport is broad and not clearly evidenced, and the suggestion that greater school focus would produce more success in those fields needs explanation. To strengthen the response, develop this link and give a more specific example of how classroom play supports learning as well as wellbeing.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, two focused body paragraphs and a conclusion. The progression from the emphasis on formal education to the value of sport is easy to follow, and signposts such as “First,” “Furthermore” and “In conclusion” help guide the reader. This is a coherent arrangement. At times, however, linking is somewhat mechanical, and some references could be clearer. For example, “the same” in “there would have been a significant success for the same” does not clearly identify what would succeed. The first body paragraph also moves from career outcomes to school timetables without fully connecting the two points. Use more precise referencing and explain the relationship between examples and claims to make progression smoother.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of vocabulary, including “physical and mental development,” “immune system” and “curriculum,” which allows you to discuss education and children’s wellbeing. There are also attempts at more formal phrasing. However, several word choices and collocations are unnatural or imprecise, such as “the curriculum believes,” “paves stronger path for career” and “a significant success for the same.” These reduce the naturalness and precision of the writing, even though the main meaning is generally clear. Spelling errors such as “Futhermore” and “atleast” also need attention. Aim for accurate, natural combinations—for example, say that a curriculum “prioritises academic subjects” and that education “can improve career prospects”—rather than relying on awkward phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.5

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “if the curriculum had focused more … there would have been” and clauses explaining cause and effect. Most ideas remain understandable, and errors do not generally obstruct communication. Some grammatical inaccuracies persist, however. In “the curriculum … mainly focus,” the singular subject requires “focuses”; similarly, “education builds stronger career” needs a plural or a suitable article and a more complete noun phrase. The sentence beginning “For example, it is seen that students … performed better” also shifts awkwardly between present and past forms. Review subject–verb agreement, articles and tense consistency, and proofread sentence endings and punctuation to improve control while retaining your complex structures.

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