Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

It is often argued that primary schools put a alot of emphasis on formal education and should instead focus on development of young childrean and allow them to play as they learn. I largely agree that institutes focus more on formal education whereas focus must be on developing cognitive skills and overall growth.

In formative years of schooling teachers must focus on development of cognitive skills of a child. In young age, it is easier to transform minds and helps with development of brain. For example, playing games like suduko, puzzle or chess can can help develop memory and pattern recognition in kids. This helps in refining motor skills and activating neural system at a young age.

Another important aspect is inculcating values and discipline in children. Only focusing on formal education might leave other important learnings behind. I think a child must grow up as a respectful individual, and for that teaching values such as being compassionate, honest are important. For instance, Teachers can help children learn these values through storytime in class. Using stories as a medium, kids can be taught to help those who are in need. By doing such activities in class, children gain understanding of human values that facilitates in better upbringing.

I believe Formal education should be introduced slowly in primary schools to form a stable base for future education, but developing values and refining motor skills which play a much important role in devlopment of children and must be the primary focus of schools.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear: you largely agree that primary schools should give less emphasis to formal education and prioritise children’s broader development. You address both learning and play, supporting your view with examples such as puzzles and chess for cognitive skills and storytime for teaching values. These examples make the response relevant and give your main ideas some development. However, the discussion of play is mostly framed as a way to develop skills, rather than explaining more fully why play itself matters alongside classroom learning. The conclusion also introduces motor skills as especially important without having developed that point clearly in the body. Explain the balance between formal lessons and play more directly, and extend each main reason with a clearer consequence or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction states your view, two body paragraphs present reasons, and a conclusion restates your position. The progression from cognitive development to values is logical, and examples generally follow the points they support. This gives the essay a coherent foundation. Some connections are less smooth, however. The opening body paragraph moves from cognitive development to motor skills and the “neural system” without clearly showing how these ideas relate. The conclusion also brings together values and motor skills abruptly. Linking phrases such as “A further benefit of play is…” or “Alongside these social skills…” could make relationships between ideas clearer. More consistent paragraph focus and clearer links between claims and examples would strengthen the progression.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “cognitive skills,” “pattern recognition,” “inculcating values,” and “compassionate.” These choices help communicate ideas beyond basic classroom vocabulary. There are also some inaccurate or awkward forms that limit precision, such as “a alot,” “young childrean,” “devlopment,” and “can can.” Phrases such as “transform minds” and “activating neural system” are not natural in this context, while “a much important role” is an inaccurate comparison. Aim for more precise collocations and check spelling and word forms carefully. For example, “support brain development” is more natural than “transform minds,” and “play a more important role” expresses the comparison correctly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You attempt a mix of simple and complex structures, including the conditional idea “Only focusing on formal education might leave other important learnings behind” and the purpose clause “to form a stable base for future education.” Most of your meaning remains clear, but some grammatical errors occur. In “In young age, it is easier to transform minds and helps with development,” the subject and verb structure is unclear; a clearer version would be “At a young age, children’s minds are more adaptable, which can support development.” The final sentence is also difficult to follow because several ideas are joined without a clear grammatical structure. Review articles, sentence boundaries, and agreement, and use punctuation to separate the conclusion’s main claims.

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