Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Many communities argue that primary school teacher solely focus too much on academic achievement. In my opinion, i strongly believe that primary center teachers focus on formal learning because academic achievement to important more creativity, social development and future improvement.

On the one hand, one of the main limition traditional teaching style, where the childern empasise memorize the all answer instead of developing geuine understanding of concepts. In addition, acdemic studies should develop childern knowldege and regularly practising play ground helps grow up brain. Forthermore, excessive formal learning is really harmful for childern and reduced brain capacity thinking. For example, teacher should arrange quizz competition, spelling test, writing essay is activites more valuable. So, every primary schools should not only formal learning but also focus other activities.

On the other hand, equally important is the rule of develop for children studies, emotionally, physcially and social communication. Moreover, childern play with each other it help them grow up strong communication skills and produced different types thinking power. In addition, learn in the primary school classroom is big opportunities build sense arrange some types of activites studies debating club helps grow up knowldege and speaking practise with one another helps build up communication skill. For instance, arrange speaking cometition, debating club play, reading skill play in the classroom is more important skills.

In conclusion, although many people believe that excessive focus on learn in the primary school studies in th e

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You express a general view that primary education should include more than formal academic study, and you mention social, emotional and physical development. However, the response does not clearly answer both questions: your position on whether schools focus too much on formal learning is difficult to identify, and the importance of play is not explained consistently. Some examples, such as quizzes and spelling tests, are formal learning rather than play, so they do not support your point clearly. The final sentence is unfinished, leaving the conclusion incomplete. The response is also 11 words below the required minimum. To strengthen the answer, state your position directly, explain how play benefits learning, and develop one relevant classroom example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs and the beginning of a conclusion, so there is an attempt to organise ideas into a familiar essay structure. You also use linking phrases such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In addition.” However, the progression within paragraphs is difficult to follow because ideas are often placed together without a clear connection. For example, the first body paragraph moves from memorisation to brain development, then to quizzes and spelling tests, without explaining how these examples relate to play. The conclusion is incomplete, which prevents the essay from reaching a clear ending. Use one main idea per paragraph, explain each example, and make references between sentences clearer.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary related to education and child development, including “academic achievement,” “social development,” “communication skills,” and “debating club.” These choices show awareness of the topic. However, the range is basic and many word choices, forms and spellings are inaccurate, sometimes making the intended meaning hard to understand. Examples include “limition,” “childern,” “empasise,” and “knowldege,” as well as unnatural phrases such as “grow up brain” and “different types thinking power.” Some expressions are also used imprecisely: “quizz competition” and “spelling test” do not clearly illustrate play. Build a reliable set of topic vocabulary and check spelling and collocations; for example, use “develop cognitive skills” rather than “grow up brain.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You make some attempts to form longer sentences, including clauses beginning with “where” and “although,” and you use basic sentence patterns to communicate several relevant points. However, grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes distort meaning. For example, “primary school teacher solely focus” has problems with number and verb agreement, while “academic achievement to important” lacks a correct verb structure. In “childern play with each other it help them,” the clauses need clearer punctuation and the verb form should agree with the subject. The final sentence is incomplete, and capitalisation is inconsistent, including the lowercase “i.” Practise accurate simple sentences first, then add subordinate clauses while checking agreement, articles and sentence boundaries.

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