Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-20

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Numerous individuals assert that primary schools main concentration is only formal education. I partially agree with the notion since sports and education should be taken in a balanced approach both are very important for a student. Thus this essay will address both viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, Many people give argument that focusing too much on the formal learning will make a hefty impact on students physical and mental health. To be more precise, In the contemporary era the advent of technological advancements change the learning in various schools. They now uses laptops and big screens to teach subjects which results in many students face eye strain and headaches and it also become mental exhausting by learning theories all day.

Additionally, many studies has reveal that sport breaks in between lectures enhances the cognitive ability of a student and it refreshes their mind and they feel less stressed. Moreover, Many students who are not well in academics has the ability to achieve high success in sports as a career and they often earn more they can ever imagine. Therefore, In some cases pressure of academics and less curricular activities leads to various students in depression.

On the other hand, Formal education is also very important it creates a discipline and problem solving skills and prepare learners for higher studies. To be more specific, Some Individuals who didn't go to schools stuck behind in the society since as I mentioned earlier modern era has witnessed enormous growth in technology so to keep up to dated with the world education become very pivotal without a person cannot survive in modern day society. As a result, Education becomes very important it acts as a foundation for the latter life.

To conclude, After discussing both schools of thought I am of the opinion that both plays a prominent aspects in a student's life. Schools should follow a balanced approach and encourage students in sports as well.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you partially agree that formal learning can receive too much emphasis, while arguing that education and sport both matter. You address both parts of the prompt by discussing the effects of academic pressure and explaining why formal education is important. The points about eye strain, stress, and sport as a possible career are relevant, but some are asserted rather than fully explained or supported. The second part—how important play is within the primary-school classroom—could be answered more directly: you mainly discuss sport and breaks, without giving a concrete example of classroom play or explaining how it supports learning. Develop this link and support your claims with a specific example to make the response more complete.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, a paragraph presenting concerns about formal learning, a contrasting paragraph on education’s value, and a conclusion. The progression from drawbacks to benefits is easy to follow, and signposts such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To conclude” help guide the reader. This coherent organisation is a strength. However, some linking is mechanical, and the first body section is split into two paragraphs that both develop the same side without a clear reason for the division. Connections between claims could also be more explicit—for example, explain how sport breaks relate specifically to play in the classroom. More varied transitions and clearer links between examples and main points would improve the flow further.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “formal education,” “cognitive ability,” “eye strain,” “problem solving skills,” and “foundation.” These choices make the main ideas understandable, and you attempt some less common expressions. However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “main concentration,” “hefty impact,” “achieve high success,” and “keep up to dated.” There is also repetition of broad terms such as “important” and “modern era,” which limits precision. Aim for natural academic combinations and check word forms: for example, “primary schools focus mainly on,” “a significant effect,” and “keep up to date.” More precise vocabulary for play-based learning would also help address the prompt directly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, using structures such as “since sports and education should be taken in a balanced approach” and “who are not well in academics has the ability.” This shows an effort to express reasons and contrast, but some sentence patterns are faulty and there are recurring errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and punctuation. For instance, “They now uses” should be “They now use,” “many studies has reveal” needs a plural subject and corrected verb form, and “both plays” should be “both play.” Several sentences also run together, particularly the opening sentence of the first body paragraph. Review subject–verb agreement and sentence boundaries, then proofread complex sentences to ensure each clause is grammatically complete.

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