Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Some people believe that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. I completely agree with this opinion because primary school prioritize more on academics than extracurriculums. I think it is very important and essential for every children to play as well as learn in the primary school because it helps them to learn in a practical environment.

One important reason I agree that primary schools rely too much on formal learning is that they prioritize academics over extracurriculums. This is because schools rank students on the basis of academic strength of memorizing facts. If a student who is exceptional at finding patterns, schools evaluate that student based on the optained marks of unrelevent subjects. For example, a primary level student who is extraordinary at playing piano will have to experience grade decline. Thus, primary schools relies heavy on formal learning which does not help to evaluate students with talent from different discipline.

Additionally, I think children should play as well as learn in the primary school classroom because it enables them to explore the relationship between classrooms and playgrounds. This is because playing as well as learning in the primary schools enable them to implement their learning, which is a positive development. If students learn in an open environment, they will eventually try to find relations between their daily life and classrooms. For instance, a student studying and experimenting simple machanics in science classes can utilize his learning to repair his father motorbike at home. Thus, this helps them to build hands-on skills and to deal with practical world problems, which is a positive effect.

In conclusion, I completely agree with primary schools focus too much on formal learning because extracurriculums is not evaluated. Moreover, I believe that children should play as well as learn in the primary school classroom because it helps them to think practically.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you completely agree that primary schools overemphasise formal learning, and you also explain why play should accompany learning. The examples about a pupil who excels at piano and a child applying science to a motorbike are relevant and help support your main points. This covers both parts of the question well. However, the two ideas are not equally developed: the first paragraph focuses mainly on how academic assessment overlooks other talents, while the importance of play is explained in broader terms, with limited detail about how classroom play supports learning. To strengthen the response further, explain more precisely what schools could do differently and how play benefits children’s development beyond practical application.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and each body paragraph has a clear central topic. Linking phrases such as “Additionally,” “For example” and “Thus” help readers follow the argument. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical: several sentences repeat the same claim before adding a new point, and “This is because” is used in a similar way in both body paragraphs. Some connections are also unclear, such as the move from a student’s pattern-finding ability to marks in unrelated subjects. Use fewer formulaic transitions and make the relationship between each example and the claim explicit. This would create a more consistently developed line of reasoning.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use vocabulary relevant to education and learning, including “formal learning,” “academic strength,” “implement their learning” and “hands-on skills.” These choices allow you to communicate the main ideas, and you attempt some less common expressions. However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or awkward, including “prioritize more on academics,” “extracurriculums,” “optained marks” and “positive development.” Spelling errors such as “unrelevent” and “machanics” also reduce precision. Some phrases, including “practical world problems,” are not natural in this context. Aim for accurate, conventional collocations rather than adding complexity: for example, describe schools as “placing greater emphasis on academic subjects” and refer to “extracurricular activities.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including conditional structures such as “If students learn in an open environment, they will eventually try to find relations…” and relative clauses such as “which is a positive effect.” This gives the response some structural variety, and the overall meaning is generally understandable. However, errors occur across the essay and sometimes make sentences difficult to process. Examples include “primary school prioritize” and “primary schools relies,” where subject–verb agreement is incorrect, and “every children,” where the determiner does not agree with the plural noun. There are also problems with articles and possessives in “his father motorbike.” Review agreement, singular and plural forms, and article use, then proofread complex sentences to ensure their clauses are grammatically complete.

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