Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-22

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

An unkown number of individuals have debated on that like, primary schools concentrate more on learning instead of any playing activities. I am totally agree on this perspective becuase another activities are also important for the children, likewise playing games, functions, etc.These activities can improve their health as well as.

Firstly, I believed that only learning cannot helps a lot in our life. Those children played as well as learning can fit in thier life and they are mostly do their every work without hesitation. In this era, our school system is too much old. They just taught thier students what they want. Not a single activity can be perform in our school so that most of the children lose their interest in thier education. For instance, when i was in a school before three years ago, at that time, I also losed my interest in my learning beacuse every time, when our teachers could force us for the study and only study, this thing could be buried our mind.

Secondly, government should take action on this issue, because this problem can enhance in our educational systems. They should bulid rules where every school system will be follow on this. Moreover, it can be help a lot for those students who are waiting for this opportunity.

In conclution, who they are argue on this problem, they are on the right path and they stand for them.learning s

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You take a clear position, agreeing that primary schools give too much attention to formal study, and you include a relevant personal example about losing interest when lessons involved “only study.” However, the response addresses the second question only indirectly: you mention that activities can improve children’s health, but do not explain clearly why play should be part of classroom learning or give a specific example of its educational benefits. The points about government rules and children’s confidence are also asserted rather than developed. The conclusion is difficult to understand and does not clearly summarise your reasoning. The response is 13 words below the required minimum, which further limits the development of your ideas. Explain both parts of the task more fully and support each main point with a clear example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an introduction is followed by paragraphs beginning “Firstly” and “Secondly,” and a concluding paragraph. This gives the reader some sense of the essay’s structure. However, progression between ideas is limited. The second body paragraph shifts to government action without explaining how this supports your argument about the balance between formal learning and play. Linking phrases such as “Moreover” and “For instance” are used, but connections are sometimes unclear, and the conclusion (“who they are argue…”) is hard to follow. Improve cohesion by giving each paragraph one clear purpose, ordering supporting points logically, and using pronouns and linking expressions only where their references are clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “formal learning,” “activities,” “educational systems,” and “interest,” so the main subject is generally recognisable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make meaning unclear, such as “debated on that like,” “fit in their life,” and “buried our mind.” Spelling errors, including “unkown,” “becuase,” and “thier,” also reduce accuracy. Try to use precise, natural phrases for the ideas you want to express, and check spelling carefully. Building a small topic vocabulary around play-based learning, motivation, social skills, and classroom activities would help you explain your position more clearly and avoid repeating general terms such as “activities” and “problem.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including a reason clause beginning “because” and an example introduced by “For instance.” However, grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes make the intended meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “I am totally agree,” “learning cannot helps,” and “every school system will be follow”; these show problems with verb forms and sentence construction. There are also errors in agreement and tense, as in “Those children played as well as learning can fit,” and punctuation is inconsistent, particularly where sentences run together. Practise building accurate basic sentences first, then add subordinate clauses while checking subject–verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence boundaries. Clearer control of these patterns will make your ideas easier to understand.

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