Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-22

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In recent years, attention and criticism has shifted to primary schools because of their strict and overly formal teaching methods. Critics argue that these schools focus only on formal learning. I completely agree with this notion, primarily because of their newer curriculum which includes advanced problems.

The main reason in support of my belief is that school curriculum is getting increasingly complicated day-by-day. Many schools now teach problems from higher grades to younger students in order to prepare them for the future challenges. This often leads to the school management overlooking the need for other aspects of learning, which generally comes at the cost of art and physical exercise lectures. For example, many primary school students are now learning math problems from secondary school curriculum just to perform better in higher classes.

Another key reason behind development of more advanced curriculums is that parents now judge their children based on their academic performance. If children do not perform well in their studies then they might be ill-treated by their parents. Moreover, the fear of being compared with their better performing peers also plays a key role behind this. I think play-time during school hours plays a pivotal role in developing a child mentally and physically. Not only does this help the children foster social relationships with other students, but it also teaches them other important life lessons such as teamwork, companionship and compassion. A clear example of this can be seen in children who perform better in every aspect of life are often not excellent in their studies, but they are students who gave just as much importance to sports and art.

To sum up, I maintain the view that primary schools have made their curriculum with only the goal of academic performance overlooking the need for overall development of a child. Therefore, changes should be made to give equal importance to art and physical exercise lectures.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear from the introduction (“I completely agree”) and remains consistent in the conclusion. You address both the concern about formal learning and the importance of play, supporting your view with reasons about advanced curricula, parental pressure, and children’s social and physical development. The examples about secondary-level maths and the benefits of sports and art help extend the argument. This is a well-focused response, though some claims are broad—for instance, that parents may ill-treat children who perform poorly—and would be more convincing with a specific or carefully qualified example. The discussion of how play should be incorporated into classroom learning could also be developed further. More precise support and fuller explanation of this aspect would strengthen an already clear response.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs with distinct reasons, and a summarising conclusion. Ideas generally progress logically, and signposts such as “The main reason,” “Another key reason,” and “To sum up” make the organisation easy to follow. You also connect ideas within sentences effectively, as in “Not only does this help…” followed by the benefits of play. However, the second body paragraph combines parental pressure with the importance of play, so the shift between these points feels abrupt. Some linking phrases are also formulaic, and “this” in “the fear of being compared with their better performing peers also plays a key role behind this” has an unclear reference. Separating the play discussion and making references more explicit would improve cohesion.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.5

You use an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “curriculum,” “academic performance,” “social relationships,” and “overall development.” Some less common choices, such as “pivotal role” and “compassion,” show an effort to express ideas precisely. At times, however, word choice or collocation is awkward: “attention and criticism has shifted” is not a natural pairing, “art and physical exercise lectures” does not accurately describe these activities, and “plays a key role behind this” is an unnatural expression. “Better performing peers” would also be clearer as “higher-achieving peers.” These choices do not prevent understanding, but more natural collocations and more precise vocabulary would make the argument sound more fluent and controlled.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.5

You use a mix of simple and complex structures, including a relative clause in “which generally comes at the cost…” and the inversion “Not only does this help…”. Most sentences communicate the intended meaning, and the conclusion is grammatically clear. Some errors remain in agreement and sentence construction. In the opening, “attention and criticism has shifted” uses a singular verb with a compound subject; “have shifted” is needed. In “children who perform better in every aspect of life are often not excellent in their studies, but they are students who gave…,” the comparison is awkwardly structured and the past-tense “gave” does not fit the general claim; revise it as a clear present-tense sentence. These issues are noticeable but do not usually impede communication. More consistent agreement and control of complex sentences would improve accuracy.

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