Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-23

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Indeed, it is true that nowadays there is a growing trend of too much focus on formal learning in primary schools; however I strongly disagree with this point of view, and I believe that children should also get enough time to play in schools along with their formal education. This essay will outline the downsides of too much focus on formal education in primary schools; furthermore it will also highlight the merits of providing young people with sufficent time to play along with their studies.

In today's world, students in primary schools spend most of their day in school just focusing on their formal education, and they are stuck in a loop which involves: long classes, homework, tests, and exams. This puts too much pressure on their little brains, and as a result from a young age they are exposed to a stressful environment. This can result in long-lasting detrimental impacts on their mental health.

Additionally, this competitive environment makes them obsessed with grades, and they could ignore learning, which is the primary goal of education at schools; furthermore their could be some more disadvantages of too much focus on formal learning in primary schools, such as low confidence in students, ordinary personalities, and below par communication skills.

I am of the opinion that students in primary schools should not only focus on formal education, and along with their education they should get ample amount of time to play, spend time with friends, watch cartoons and movies, and learn additional skills. All of this can have positive impact on children's mental health and their overall well being.

In conclusion, formal learning should be a part of children's lives, it should not be the primary focus of their whole childhood, and along with formal education they should be allowed to do all other activities which can make them relax after a long day at the school.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

Your position is clear: you disagree that formal learning should dominate, while also arguing that play deserves a place alongside study. You address both questions by describing possible harms of excessive academic pressure and benefits for children’s well-being. However, the response does not fully resolve the apparent tension between disagreeing with the claim and then describing primary schools as overly focused on formal learning. Several points—such as “ordinary personalities” and “below par communication skills”—are asserted without explanation or examples, and the importance of classroom play is not explored in much detail. Clarify your degree of agreement and develop fewer ideas with specific examples, such as how cooperative play builds communication or supports learning.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, separate body paragraphs and a conclusion, and the ideas generally progress from pressure caused by formal study to the value of play. Linking expressions such as “Additionally,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion” help guide the reader. This organisation is effective, though some connections feel mechanical or repetitive: “furthermore” appears several times, and the introduction promises to outline “downsides” and “merits” in a formulaic way. The list in the second paragraph also interrupts the flow slightly. To strengthen progression, make each paragraph’s main point explicit and connect supporting details directly to it; use pronouns and transitions more selectively so relationships between ideas remain clear without repeated signposting.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including phrases such as “competitive environment,” “long-lasting detrimental impacts,” and “overall well being.” These choices communicate your concerns about pressure and children’s development. There are also some inaccurate or unnatural expressions that limit precision, including “sufficent,” “ample amount of time,” “ordinary personalities,” and “stuck in a loop which involves.” “Formal education” and “formal learning” are repeated frequently, so the vocabulary can feel narrow in places. Aim for more natural collocations and precise descriptions—for example, explain what you mean by “ordinary personalities” rather than relying on a vague phrase. Check spelling and word forms carefully, and vary repeated terms where the meaning allows.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “which,” “as a result,” and “along with.” Most sentences remain understandable, and the longer sentences show an attempt to express relationships between ideas. Some grammatical and punctuation errors remain. For example, “as a result from a young age” needs clearer punctuation or restructuring, and the sentence beginning “In conclusion, formal learning should be a part…” joins two independent ideas with a comma. In “their could be some more disadvantages,” the pronoun form is incorrect, while “can have positive impact” is missing an article. Review comma splices, article use, and sentence boundaries, and break up some long sentences to improve control without losing variety.

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