Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-26

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Many peoples says that the primary instrututes attention great deal on formal learning.I should be strongly agree with this openion therefore, The primary schools are make a chaild base and ths formal learning is very important.I think sports are very important for childrens this make the chaild fit and fresh.

Fistlly, The many peoples are agree with too much on formal learning in pakistan school are vert tradirional and old teachers and he learning the old things and gave a knoledge of childrens

secondly, I think in primary schools the children are little and the children are only in playing games and other activites and people think the children in primary school make active and responcible the primary school provide a childrens frendly environment.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You express a general view that formal learning matters and that sport or play benefits children, so the response is relevant to both parts of the question. However, the position is not fully clear: “I should be strongly agree” is difficult to interpret, and the discussion does not explain how much you agree that schools focus too heavily on formal learning. The points about traditional Pakistani schools and children becoming active and responsible are introduced but not supported with examples or explanation. The response also contains 124 words, below the required 250, so the task is only minimally addressed. To improve, state your position clearly, explain the balance you recommend, and develop each reason with a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an opening paragraph is followed by two points introduced with “Fistlly” and “secondly.” This gives the reader some indication of the order of ideas. However, the progression is difficult to follow because the points are not clearly connected or developed, and the second paragraph contains several ideas in one sentence. For example, the shift from traditional teachers to children’s activities is abrupt, while “this make the child fit and fresh” is not linked clearly to the later discussion. Use separate paragraphs for your position, reasons, and conclusion, and connect each supporting detail explicitly to the main point. More accurate, less mechanical linking would also help.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use a small set of relevant words, including “formal learning,” “sports,” “playing games,” and “environment,” which helps communicate the general topic. However, vocabulary is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling and word-choice errors make some phrases difficult to understand, such as “primary instrututes,” “openion,” and “gave a knoledge of childrens.” Some combinations are also unclear, including “make a child base” and “children are only in playing games.” Build a more accurate range for discussing education and development, and check spelling carefully. For example, you could describe play as supporting children’s “physical well-being” or “social skills,” then explain precisely how these benefits relate to classroom learning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response mainly uses simple statements and attempts a few longer sentences, but control of sentence structure is inconsistent. Errors in agreement and verb forms appear in phrases such as “Many peoples says” and “the primary schools are make,” while “I should be strongly agree” shows an inaccurate verb pattern. Articles, plurals, and punctuation also need attention; for instance, “a chaild” and the capitalisation after commas make sentences harder to read. These problems sometimes obscure the intended meaning, although the reader can identify the broad ideas. Practise accurate simple sentence patterns first, then combine related ideas using clauses such as “because” or “which.” Check subject–verb agreement and verb forms when proofreading.

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