Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

hello guys im loudjaine today we are going to talk about an important subject which conclude about the different type or formal od education in the primary.we got the combination of learning qnd playing at the same time and also we got the vibe of just learning with out any Toys even if it useful or educational toy

first of all,some schools argue that the children should just learning what ever the type of learning such as video learner , by the teacher, by the parents but in condition with out any type of games or toys ,so that's arrived on one reason its the consideration of the kids they can't focus clearly when they looking forward this games they imagine something else also they not gonna keep any new informations when they play in ut even if it educational ones .But we have different types of etudcation with kids it is by using the toys éducatives objects like alphabet letters maybe there's toys can talk with them something can't forget it about there's life there's personality and even daily routine and that's the positive faces of etudcation with. using toya

for me i think that really funny for them to take more informations Easley by sources really nicely and funny moments they make with each other and that's really good for them

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You make a relevant attempt to discuss formal learning and play, and your final point suggests that children can gain information through enjoyable activities with classmates. However, the response only minimally addresses the two questions. Your position on whether primary schools focus too much on formal learning is not stated clearly, and the discussion shifts between schools that prohibit toys and educational toys without explaining which approach you support. The reasons are brief and difficult to follow, with no specific example developed. The response also contains 223 words, below the required 250, so there is limited space to explain your ideas. State your view directly, answer both questions, and support each main point with a clear reason or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an opening introduces the topic, “first of all” signals a main point, and “for me” introduces a personal view. These markers show some awareness of progression. However, the ideas are not arranged into clear, developed paragraphs, and the long central section moves from children’s concentration to educational toys and their benefits without clear links. Several references, such as “that” and “it,” are difficult to connect to a specific idea. The opening also reads like a spoken introduction rather than a focused essay. Use separate paragraphs for your position, reasons, and conclusion, and connect each sentence explicitly to the point before it.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

Your vocabulary includes some relevant topic words, such as “formal,” “learning,” “games,” “toys,” and “educational,” so the reader can identify the general subject. You also attempt phrases such as “educational objects” and “daily routine.” However, the range is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling and word-choice problems strain understanding: “informations,” “Easley,” “etudcation,” and “positive faces” are examples. Some expressions are unclear or unnatural, including “the vibe of just learning” and “keep any new informations.” Aim for precise, standard academic wording and check spelling and word forms. Replacing repeated general terms with accurate phrases about classroom activities, concentration, and social development would make your meaning clearer.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to combine ideas using clauses and connectors, for example in the sentence beginning “some schools argue that the children should just learning.” This shows an effort to write beyond isolated simple sentences. However, sentence structures are very limited in control, and frequent errors make several passages difficult to understand. Examples include “should just learning” instead of a correctly formed verb phrase, “when they looking forward this games,” and “they not gonna keep.” Articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries are also often missing or inaccurate, while the central paragraph runs on with little punctuation. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then build longer sentences with correctly formed clauses and consistent punctuation.

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