Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Several individuals argue that primary schools focus to much on formal learning. In this essay, we will discuss that this development is important or not and which benefits can achieve by applying it.

To begin with, formal learning play a vital role in life of beginers and also provide lot of benefits to their studies. In many primary acadmies, staff focus on formal learning more than their other abilities and achievements because they thought it would be more benefical from all other things. For instance, they can achieve benefits in their physical activities such as playing football, playing cricket and also more games related to this category.

Moreover, some school managemants working on the childrens study because they want to achieve good result of their school. But formal learning is crucial which can never be forgetable because it can grow beginerrs basic abilities and give them opportunity to gain lot of experience, lot of knowledge, morer working ideas. It can help out a man to communicate with different people all over the world. For instance, if you leraned speaking skills, it allow to communicate with various people.

Furthurmore, people will not be able to survive independently without formal learning or not having basic skills. This think will also allow them to run their business ideas

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response touches on formal learning and mentions that children can gain knowledge and communication skills, but it does not clearly answer either part of the question. Your opening says you will discuss whether “this development is important or not,” rather than stating how far you agree that schools focus too much on formal learning. The second question—how important play is alongside learning—is not directly addressed; football and cricket are mentioned, but their value to children’s classroom learning is not explained. The examples about speaking skills and independence are relevant in a broad sense, yet remain general and unsupported. The response is also 35 words below the required minimum, leaving too little space to develop a clear position and supporting reasons. State your view explicitly, address both questions, and explain specific examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response, with an introduction followed by paragraphs beginning “To begin with,” “Moreover,” and “Furthermore.” These markers help signal that new points are being introduced. However, the ideas do not build a clear line of argument: the first body paragraph shifts from formal learning to physical activities without explaining the connection, and the later paragraphs repeat the importance of formal learning rather than developing a contrast with play. The final sentence is incomplete, so the response ends without a conclusion. Use each paragraph for one clear point, connect examples to that point, and finish by restating your position. More precise referencing would also help readers follow what “this development” and “this think” refer to.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “formal learning,” “physical activities,” “basic abilities,” and “communication,” so the general subject is usually recognisable. However, the range is limited and several expressions are inaccurate or repetitive, which makes parts of the message difficult to interpret. For example, “benefical from all other things” and “morer working ideas” do not express a clear meaning, while “lot of” is repeated. There are also frequent spelling errors, such as “beginers,” “acadmies,” “managemants,” and “Furthurmore.” Build a more precise vocabulary for discussing play and learning, and check spelling and collocations carefully. Prefer familiar, accurate phrases over ambitious wording that does not fit the intended meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response includes some simple sentences and attempts longer structures with “because,” “which,” and “if,” showing an effort to vary sentence forms. Several sentences communicate a basic idea, such as “This think will also allow them to run their business ideas,” although the response ends before the thought is completed. Control is uneven in longer sentences: “formal learning play a vital role” has a subject–verb agreement error, and “it allow to communicate” is missing the appropriate verb form and object structure. Articles and plurals are also inconsistent, as in “in life of” and “the childrens study.” Practise checking agreement, articles, and complete sentence structure, especially after subordinate clauses. Clearer, shorter sentences would help make your meaning more reliable.

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